Showing posts with label list. Show all posts
Showing posts with label list. Show all posts

Monday, July 3, 2017

Types of Moms

Being a mom is no easy feat. I've always had people tell me "Oh, you're going to be an awesome mom someday."

Did I turn out awesome? Hmm, well maybe not exactly. I mean yes, there are days where I end the day with a feeling of triumph, fist pumping the air and going "Yeah, I killed it today!" 
And there are days when I want to crawl into a cupboard and just stay there and cry all day long while stuffing my face with chocolate biscuits. Motherhood is hardly a consistent affair. 

So I've listed a few types of mom avatars I have taken on a day-to-day basis.

Scene: It's almost bath time. Your little tyke can sense the danger and is bracing herself. Disaster is just around the corner. She is hovering around everywhere but anywhere within ten ten-foot radius of the bathroom. A gigantic tantrum seems like it's on the agenda to avoid the horrendous event.

1. Angry/ impatient/distraught mom

We've all had these days. When you get pushed and pushed and pushed so hard that you just lose it and want to punch a wall. I usually resort to going to the other room and punching the living daylights out of a pillow or my husband. This is also the type of mom I am on the days that I'm going through the wonderful phenomenon called PMS.

"Get into the bathroom. Get in here. GET IN! You get in here RIGHT now! Thats IT! I've had it. You do Not want make me angry. I'm going to count till 5 and if you're not in here by then... then THAT IS IT! "("That's it" usually means I just continue yelling and shouting some more)

The countdown technique doesn't really work with my daughter because she just recently discovered numbers so every time I do that she gets all excited and counts along with me. This angry stage can also be short-lived if she ends up doing something ridiculously adorable and I have to struggle to keep a straight face. But more often, it ends up in tears (mostly mine) and a heavy dose of guilt.


2. Sad/desperate/melodrama mom

This is another common one for me especially during the onset of PMS. PMS while parenting is just one of Nature's biggest controversies.

"Pleaaaase, baby pleeeease *sob* please for the love of God! Please stop torturing me and come to bath! Pleeeaseeeee! Why are you doing this me! What did I do to deserve this! Why God whyyyyy!!"

Chances are that the toddler involved will usually be lying with her feet in the air singing loudly completely oblivious to your pleading and melodrama. This stage also leads to offering bribes. But again that does not work because toddlers do not understand bribes, I've realized. They just lie on the floor and cry until you bribe them to stop crying. 


3. Goofy/funny mom

Okay, this is me on my good days. I bring out the tickle monster and chase her into the bathroom. Or let her bring literally every single kitchen utensil or household item into the bathroom with her (because bath toys are too mainstream). You could make up a silly bath song. And pretend the bucket is a bathtub.  And water fights obviously. This one time I got into the shower with her fully clothed. And we did a rain dance. She thought it was hilarious.

Disclaimer :goofy mom can and may turn into impatient mom if said child is not receptive of any of the goofiness.


4. Tricky/sneaky mom

This trick works only once in a while and is a bit mean. Just go stand in the bathroom and look at the floor or ceiling and stare in amazement. Make sure your child can see you. Then exclaim something like "OH MY GOD, did you see that elephant!" Or fairy or dinosaur. Or the entire cast of Friends. Or whatever your kid fancies. My kid usually comes running if I tell her there is an itsy-bitsy spider in the corner and there usually is so I'm technically not being a liar.

Sometimes you don't even need to lie. Just leave the bathroom door open with the lights on and leave the room. Chances are their mischievous minds will start churning and they ll be compelled to go and explore the bathroom on their own. You then sneak up behind them and trap them before they figure out what is happening. Kind of like catching flies, I just realized now.

 Also make sure you go to them without much delay. I once took a little too long and discovered my little monkey with one foot inside the toilet.

5. Don't give an f mom/cool mom/unhygienic mom
Smell hair. Seems okay. 
Whatever. Bathtime is overrated anyway. 

This is me on more days than I'd like to admit. 




Whichever kind of mom you are, just know that you are not alone. "We are all a hot mess, some just hide it better than the others."
Happy mom-ing!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

My New Year Resolutions for 2014


Every time a new year begins, I, like millions of other idiots in the world, sit and make up a list of so-called resolutions. I don't remember any of the resolutions I made the years before because I'm pretty sure they didn't make it past 5 days or so. But still, old habits die hard. So here I am again making up my brand new list of things I hope to do possibly for more than 5 days.

My Resolution List for the Year 2014


image courtesy : helloladies.com
1. Be Nicer to my Husband : This is one resolution I've never had to make in the past. Its not like I'm mean to my husband or I bully him around all the time. I am nice too at times :P But I'm always left with the feeling that I could be nicer. Since a whole year is over since over marriage, I feel like the initial niceties and the formalities are slipping away. Which is good, but along with it my manners. There is no harm in saying more 'pleases' and 'thank you's' is there? Or atleast thats what Enid Blyton taught me. To mind my P's and Q's. Oh and He always ends up getting up to turn off the light switch before bed because I'm such a lazy bum. I resolve to take turns doing that. (I know my husband is gona read this and I hope I get brownie points :P But then I also know that this paragraph is gonna come up everytime we fight. :-/ )

2. Drink More Water : I'm terrible at this and have such terrible skin due to this. I've been following this for the past couple of days. But I don't do it on the days I have to go out. Because it makes me want to pee a bazillion times a day. Which is how its supposed to be but I'm not used to peeing soooo much. But still, I hope I stick to this resolution, atleast for my skin's sake.

image : chuondis.blogspot.in
3. Sleep and Wake Up Early : Now for anyone who knows me, I'm a night person. And have been since I was a kid. My sister used to call me the Watchman. I'd stay up reading books under the blanket when I was small, which turned into staying up on the internet all night when I was a teenager, which turned to staying up talking on the phone all night in college, to staying up watching movies with my husband all night post marriage. And I hate morning. I hate it because I get my allergies in the morning. I hate it because its too cold in the mornings and thats when people should be under the blanket fast asleep. I hate how everyone gets up and makes a lot of noise. And also it reminds me of school. My mom used to wake me up atleast a 100 times, followed by which I'd go to bathroom and put the lid on the toilet down and curl up on top of it and snooze a little more. Then I'd sleep on the breakfast table and halfway through putting on my uniform. My dad and I used to have the biggest fights over this. He'd come strip off my blanket at first. I'd pull up the bedsheet n cuddle under that. Then he'd take away my bedsheet. Then I'd curl up into a ball and pull my tshirt over my whole body. Then on some extreme cases, he'd come pour a mug of water on me. God, I used to get soooo wild. In college, I'd miss the first hour of class on almost all days because I'd oversleep. In office, when I'm late I'd tell the manager, it's because I overslept. And he'd be like, "Are you kidding me? You're not even gona try and make up a lie?" I mean why? Its a genuine excuse. And also, I think it might be a condition.
Anyhow, ever since I started this resolution, I've been to bed at a decent hour and wake up at a pretty decent hour. And I'm proud of myself. Yes, there are nights when I'm tempted to let go and watch a movie instead or stay up whatsapping my husband. But somehow it feels nice now. I still don't like mornings much. I like breakfast though.

4. Keep Track of Accounts : I had started off last year by writing down our expenses. But it got so depressing to look at, that I stopped. But this year I will do it again. Write it down and look at it no matter how ugly it gets.

image : etsy.com
5. Not Buy Shoes : Maybe if I had kept track of the accounts I would've realised this earlier but last year, somehow or the other, I ended up buying 6 pairs or shoes. All of them are insanely cheap because I thrive on shoes that are less than 100 bucks. In college I had a pair of sandals that I got for 5 bucks. I didn't buy any expense shoes last year, except for this pair of heels for a job interview. Worst part is I can't even walk in them and I sort of hobbled across the room during the interview. I know I should've probably returned them, but god they're so pretty. I could just sit there looking at them for hours. Yes, I'm a shoe-o-phile. Shoes are my weakness. And bags. And to my credit I didn't buy a single bag last year. So i guess it makes up for the shoes. But then my resolution is firm. After the one pair of shoes that I will buy next week, I will not buy any more shoes this year. Or for the next six months. And then buy one as a reward for not buying any for 6 months. Yeah that sounds better.

6. Do More : I've whiled away a lot of time last year just sitting around worrying about stuff or just staring at the wall. I don't know if things will happen the way I want it to happen this year either but I'm not gonna sit around and wait. I want to do stuff. Paint, draw, cook, create, write.... anything. The circumstances might not always be correct. I want to try and not focus all my time on what I don't have and think of the stuff that I do have. This is something I really need to do. I know if I could start doing that I'd be happy and changed for life.

image: superstock.com
7. Go for More Walks :  Ever since I got married, I've walked more than I have in my whole life. Sometimes, its exhausting but its never dull. When I walk alone, I get conscious about myself, I scurry along fast, not making eye contact. But now, its kind of nice to hold hands, walk slowly, talk about random things, comment about passerbys. I find that things that some of the things I used to not like doing before, I like doing now because of the company. Like the walks. Or watching boy-movies. My absolute favourite walk is at the middle of the night, when we sneak out of the house to go have an ice cream. This is something I have never been allowed to do before. And it feels like we're doing something we're not allowed to. Which makes it all the more exciting.  This year I will walk more. Preferably in malls. While not buying shoes. :P

image: sharplikeballoon.blogspot.com
8. Cry Less : The past one year, its like my tear hormones just multiplied. Yes, I used to cry before too but there used to atleast be a reason. Now I just cry randomly. A whole bunch of movies made me cry. And I don't mean the silent tear trickling down my cheek. Like absolute bawling. My husband usually have to pause the movie and wait for me to finish. I watched Taken for the first time and spend the whole night crying. In spite of it being a happy ending! This year, I don't care I have to duct-tape my tear ducts. No more crying. Except when I'm PMSing that is. The universe wouldn't want me to mess with that.

9. Eat a fruit everyday : And fruit loops don't count.

image: randomdysfunctions.com
10. Not be Embarrassed to Fart/Burp in front of my Husband :  It is time. Yes, I have done it in the past and covered it up with coughs and what not. It's been a whole year. And its time to get real. And I promise not wince or hide a giggle and be more mature about it when my husband does the same.




11. Blog More Often : Last year I had one post. ONE. I have like 4 posts saved in drafts that I never published. Because somehow it didn't fit the theme of this blog. My writings were starting to seem like a way of venting rather than entertaining. My blog apparently brings happiness to a few people. And I didn't want to wreck that for them by making them listen to me whine. My other excuse is that I'm married. Isn't that the perfect excuse for everything? Why aren't you in touch with us now? Because I'm married. Why are you so fat now? Because I'm married. Why were you out so late? Because I'm married. Why are you wearing that? Because I'm married. I love this newfound excuse. I'm gonna use it when I get a job and I'm late for work.

12. Be more Tolerant : Its my only prayer for the year.  Tolerance. The word had such little importance in my past life. But now it means a whole lot. I wish this year I be more tolerant. To bullshit people say or do. To pain, be it mental and physical.  Of bad times. Mean words. I need to let go of bygones and let it stay gone. I want to look forward and only forward.

Those are my new year resolutions, or rather wishes for myself. I know some of them are silly. I know I probably will break a few before the end of the month. But as long as I have this out there, everytime I look back at this post, I'll remember. And I can start again then.
I do have a lot more boring resolutions like Get a job, learn a new design software, pick up my phone more often, take better care of my hair,etc. I will probably think up a whole bunch of other resolutions too throughout the year. Will keep you posted on them. In the meantime, what are your resolutions? Or don't you believe in resolutions? Let me know!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Stupid Cupid

I know a lotta unhappy single people. Ok no I don't. Only unhappy single person I know is me. Apparently the whole entire rest of the world is busy hooking up. So anyways, I came up with a list of reasons why its so fantabulously awesome being single. Now, I know lotta un-single people are gonna read this and have a problem with it. Well, screw you. I'm gona say all sorta rubbish if its gona make me feel better. You go cry bout it to your girl/guy while I cry bout it to.. um.. well my computer. Wow, now that does not make me look like a geek at all!

10 reasons to stay single

1. You're saner. Notice how people in love just seem to lose it? I mean up until the day before it happens, they're all normal. The very next day they're stressing over questions to which the answer seems pretty darn simple to you..Lose the guy/girl! As a single person, you do not forget that PDA is gross. You do not forget that "mushy fwd messages" are not an appropriate status message. You do not forget that colour-coding your clothes with anyone is lame.

2. You get to play the field. The most obvious reason of them all. And even if your not even in the field and have no intention of playing, you still have the option. (unless you're a geek who complains to her computer) which is quite a relief. Its like having a whole lotta apples instead of one big pineapple. Besides if some of the apples rot, you have still more apple. If the pineapple rot, you think you can throw it out, but u can't. You're stuck with the pineapple, the spikes and everything. And sometimes pineapples tend to make your tongue itch. Ever notice that? Um, I mean the actual pineapples. Lost track of the metaphor.

3.You don't have to dress to impress. I mean, I know not a lotta people do it, but i happen to know a few couple who wears only exactly what the other person wants them to wear. Everyday. Which I think is completely and utterly ridiculous. Same goes with changing hairdos and piercings and moreon. When people are done asking parents for permission, they find themselves a new permission-giver. Then again, these kindsa couples are not that common any more, but they do still exist just for the sole purpose of making me gag.

4. I can choose not to pick up the phone and not be given the third degree for it. Nobody spends a sleepless night if I forget to call back after I promised I would (well not a lotta people) or if I fall asleep while speaking to them. I do not require special talktime schemes and free messages or lovey dovey fwd messages. I don't have to call a certain somebody first on New Year's or Valentines Day or Christmas or when England wins the World Cup. I can just randomly punch numbers. I don't have to send Good Night and Good Morning messages (I wouldnt even if I had to) I don't have to explain why my phone was busy or switched off or why I took so long to pick up. I don't need to depend on any certain sumbody's call or message to make me happy or turn my day better. I can choose whoever I want to make me smile.

5. I don't have to worry about waxing.

6. I don't have to pretend to laugh at unfunny things.No such thing like even if noone elses laughs, I'm supposed to laugh. No such obligation. I don't have to like things I don't have to like. Like cricket or action movies or v-necks.

7. I don't have to think bout any special somebody when I hear any song or movie or book. I can just hear the song or watch the movie or read the book without distractions.

8. I get to use public transport and not the backseat of some ratty old bike or car, Or worse, walk!

9. I get to go shopping and walk past the men's wear section without thinking "Oh, so and so would look so nice in this". I get to spend all my money on me!

10. I don't have to wait for just one person to tell me I'm beautiful or gorgeous. I can just put up an awesome profile pic up and get like a bazillion comments And likes.

And one more..

11. Movies with tragic endings where the hero and heroine don't end up together makes me happy. Its realistic.. or so I like to think.

And ok one more thing. What's the deal with cupid? Is it a kid or a midget or a what? And if it's a lil kid then how can he be setting people up? I mean he's just a kid. Aren't girls and lovey stuff supposed to be ''yucky'' to him? If its a midget, then who wants to be set up by a dude in a diaper?? And I doubt if he's had much of a personal life to start with thanks to the diaper and insanely red cheeks.

So I end on a happy note. Singledom is to be cherished. Singledom is a gift from God. Singledom ROCKS!