happy birthday Blog!!!

heyyy today is the day i officially started blogging...this blog is one year old as of now...wow...a year passes by and my bullshittin still remains d same..i guess sum things never change.. :-)

good+bad=complicated

i was thinkin last night..how in life..everythin is not either just good or bad..its both..like the whole two sides of a coin theory..ok maybe not everythin..but most of the things..like..smoking,mayb..its bad cos of all the well known reasons..like blah n lungs n all that..and its good cos it feels soooo good..same with food..u feel awesome wen u eat sumthin u love..but not good wen u end up seeing d results on ur weighin machine..and the classic example...LOVE...wen ur with a person..y cant there b only good times..wen u break up with sumone..u tend to think most bout the bad parts..which is why ur still broken up frm that person..wat if there were no bad parts..wat if there r people with whom u have ONLY good times and people with whom u have only bad times..then u'd know who to hang on to and who to let go...life wud'nt b so bloody complicated then...why cant everythin just b black or white..and not grey!
whoa..i duno if anyone is gona get all that..life has just been so complicated lately with me havin to make sum crucial decisions..which sucks..my mind is a bloody mess..
but even in this case..thats the bad part..the good part is..that i m glad i have sumthin to think bout..
is'nt thinking great?i mean noone can deny u the right to think..or dream..You could b in the middle of a stupidly boring conference,but u cud b thinkin bout strip clubs in Vegas!i mean who cares..noone's gona know wat ur thinkin bout..and its the only way u can even remotely come close to the statement "i wish i were sumwhere else right now"
thinking rocks.. :-)

r u listening?

Blogging actually used to b fun when ppl used to read my blogs....nobody's got the time now..how is it that when i m jobless enough to b sitting here n typing all this nonsense,noone's got the time to read all this nonsense?my blog visit thingy says 54 visitors...i say yeah right..liar...

anywayz...nothing ultimately interesting has happen of late...im tryin to talk to very proper english cos my english is going all...blah...see?see what i mean?wat i mean to say was my english is turning quite atrocious...if thats even how u spell it..

ever hate a person cos he or she is better at something than u?i have...lotta times...mayb i could put it down as a lil green eyed monster playing up...mayb its a psychological problem...its stupid..cos thats a stupid reason to get upset with sumone..cos if they ask u it d b so weird to say "i don't like u cos...u play chess better than me"..... not that i m jealous of anyone who plays chess better than me...i dunt even like chess..it was just a metaphor..

ppl say yoga or meditating or whateva is relaxing..i kinda think blogging is quite relaxing..sure there is that huge surge of nausea that comes when ya think of all the ppl tats gona read this entry...but 54 ppl is ok with me...not earth shattering..

today we had this question in our exam bout blogging and one of my friends said she knew nothing bout it and the only person who knew who blogged was me...i was kinda honoured..i have introduced the concept of blogging into this tiny little town..well maybe not really..but that was nice..
anywayz, i m gonna go hit the buks 4 ma exams tomo..ok who am i kiddin..im gona go take a nap...meanwhile all u 54 ppl out there..keep visiting...we ll make it 100 soon okay?ta!
p.s-i just realised sumthin...my last post i mentioned that only 53 ppl visited my blog...this time its 54...one person...ONE PERSON!!and that mite have been me only...WHAT IS WRONG WITH U PPL???!!

apparently 53 ppl have visited my blog...i refuse to believe that there r that many ppl who r THAT jobless..enough t actually sit n read my crap...ooooorrrrr...outa the 53, already 50 mut ve been my own visits...i m jobless..and i like to read ma crap!
hmmm u have these times when life seems to b at a standstill...the same old monotonous rountine...every day seems to b a rewinded version of yesterday...then u have those times when life is total goddamn whirlwind!!!if its like this in the morning its like that ion the afternoon...i ve often craved for that sorta life...changes every minute...but now when i m stuck in the middle of this fast pace...i cant help but scream STOP!!!!give it a rest..its giving me a friggin headache..
the hardest part is being able to adapt to all these changes at just as fast a pace.sometimes it hard keeping up.sometimes it feels hopeless.like its a huge struggle...
i mean recently life has been going from bad to worse to hell worse...u think where on earth is the tiny opening thru which the sun'll shine again?know wat?there is no hole...
u gonna have to start scratching out a brand new hole if u wanna see the sun shine..am i making sense?i just hope i havent started to sound like a self help book.
ok another thing i wanna say is...no matter how nice a friend has been to u...alwayz b cautious ok?
noone is the way they seem to b..i mean they may seem pretty FLAWLESS to u...like the ultimate best friend...and one fine day they turn aroun n show u the other side...don't stnd around to take in that shock...u may not b able to stand it..its scary..and it makes u lose trust i everyone u know....
anywayz..this has been boring enuff..i dunt feel my normal clueless self..anywayz hope my entry has been "enlightening"..ha..enlightened by me!that'll b a first!! :-) Ta!

EXAM BLUES

i hate exams....as in I HAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAAAAAAAAYYYTE (pronounced the way Jim Carrey says Wehehehhehehehhehehlll in Ace Ventura) exams...
its not the thing bout having to study..its the damn process of writing it..i mean is'nt it enough that we study the stuff?why do we have to like write it alllll over again?don't they trust us?
another thing bout exams in i cannnnot sleep without atleast staying up half the night..if not the whole nite.i would'nt even b studying..i'd be reading nothing related to study material, or i d b talkin to friends or sometimes jsut even staring into space...and its not like i get distracted while studyin and do these stuff..i just do all those..intentionally..just knowing that i ve stayed up all nite the nite before the exam gives me this strange sense of confidence..weird..
but yeah sure falling asleep during the exam is a whole different thing.its only half due to no-sleep..the other half is due to plain boredom..there are when i ve been reduced to tears of boredom in d exam hall..
i dunno y i just wrote all this..i was thinkin bout all this during my last exam(that is, before i fell asleep)
exams sux!! >:-(

stuck in the middle...thats wat i am now...actually i m not even stuck..its like i m slowly vanishing from the middle..imagine how blaah it wud b if u really wanna stay visible but u cant help turning invisible?and noone notices that ur fading..brrrrrrrrrr..
actually it wouldnt be that bad mayb..mayb there d be other forgotten invisible souls walking bout and then all of us inivible ppl can join together and form a community...wat if they too start ignoring each other...wat could b beyond invisibility...
yeah ok i m not drunk or high ( though i mite b a lil high on chocolate..im not sure)just been doin sum thinking lately (yes-out of the blue)
or mayb i m just bored....possible..thought this was gonna turn out nice..dunt feel like continuing..ill sum it up with the opening lines of a rap song created by me n sam..
"Life is such a drag,
It makes me wanna gag"

amen.

have u ever felt u ve had to grow up all of a sudden?its crazy...my post grad life started just a few weeks ago and its like..everything is different now..its no longer the old blaaaaah sorta life..i mean yeah sure at times it is..but then..so many changes..so fast..
ppl start treating ya like an adult.its crazy..i mean im still the same person..how dus a coupla years make a difference?
kids feel like kids..time seems more short..life just looks a lot more plain serious.....is this wat growing up is all about?i know its weird talkin bout growing up at 21..but trust me..if u know d person i am u 'd know wat i mean.........i ve been fighting growing up all this while..now..sumhow..its sad..but not too bad..boring..but i think i can adjust!! ;-)
besides..everyone can b a kid every once in a while cant they?