SHHHHH!Don't tell anybody...

Today in marketing class, our sir was speakin bout Secrets..ok I dunno why he was doing that in marketing class..I would probably have known if i had actually been listening..hmm..so anyway,all of a sudden, he's speaking about secrets..n suddenly he looks at me n goes - "hmm..so do you have a lotta secrets you can't tell anyone?"

Ok how dumb..first of all everyone has secrets..so thats a dumb question to start with.
And secondly..if its a secret then you obviously can't tell anyone..so thats like a redundant sentence...but then when I thought bout it..there are a lotta different kinda secrets..
There are secrets which u can't tell anyone..d kinds you take with you to ur grave..
N there are the kinds u tell just one person...just to see what the reaction'll be.
N if u like the reaction, then there is the third kinda secret..the kind u actually want everyone to know..i mean you'd be telling it to the 14 billionth person but u still start with "ok you're the first n only person who I'm telling this to..."
I dunno if its laddat for everyone...
I think I have more of the 1st kinda secret that d other 2 kinds..ever since i was say 5 years old i think..honestly..
I read this book once called Can u keep a secret? (chick-lit) where this female on an airplane thinks its gonna crash n blurts out all the secrets of her life to the guy sitting next to her.N then the plane does not crash n the guy falls in luv with her n they get married...OH Puh-leez..
Thats like one of my favourite books ever..but that situation is like soooooo not possible..
If i were in the same condition - first of all..I never get to sit next to anyone even remotely good-lookin or the "fall-in-love" with kinda ppl...It alwayz drunk middle-age men who has to get up to pee 6 bazilliiiooon times or old women or lil babies or nobody...
Ok so say some decent guy did actually sit down next to me n I did blurt out all the deep dark secrets of my life, the last thing he'd do is fall in love with me...he'd probably get so disturbed (thats as subtly as i can put it) he'd probably push me outta the plane before it can crash...
I mean why is a secret a secret?
because you don't want other people to know bout it.Because you might get into trouble if they find out.Or you might hurt someone's feelings if they find out.Basically other people's perception bout you is just gonna be a whole lot different once they find out everything bout u,right? So all those people who goes around saying.. "I don't care wat people think bout me..I am the way I am"...don't have any secrets?? from anyone? hmm I dunno..Maybe they don't.I'm just speakin based on my narrow frame of mind..
Oh then there is also the kinda secret that u think noone knows but then everyone knows but then wen u figure out everyone knows u just sorta don't say anything bout it so that everyone can just keep pretending noone knowz anything...ok..blah..scratch that..too compli..
Ok so those of ya'll who read so far thinking I'm gonna reveal some big-time historical secret bout me..HA!I don't even have the cool kinda secrets anyway..If I were to reveal some secret, I wish i had full-on
dish-kyaao kinda secrets..like..
I practice black magic on Fridays 12am to 3am .. or It was me who set our apartment on fire on Jan 6th,1999...or stuff laddat..
But sadly enough...ok who am i kidding..I've got looooadsaaa dish-kyaao, dish-um and dhink-chak secrets....which ur never gonna find out!!bahahahhahah! :-P

To Be or Not To Be Do Be Dooooo!!

I've crossed the invisible line that marks adulthood ages ago..But i can't help it..

- ..if i still wake up on weekends with a smile on my face, thankful that I don't have to go to school.

- ..if i stop paying attention to what the older crowd is talking bout and unknowingly tune into news bout the mean ol' science teacher or the day someone wore the wrong shoes on games day.

- ..if I blow spit bubbles every once in a while.

- ..if I spend more than 30 minutes trying to get to the last bit of Nutella in the jar.

- ..if I still wanna put on sparkly Hello Kitty hairclips.

- ..if I wanna do the tight-rope walk on the edge of the pavement.

- ..if my ears pick up any mention of 17-year old sons of family friends before i realise I'm not 14 anymore..or perv-y.

- ..if i still consider Winnie the Pooh bedspreads.

- ..if my fingers still freezes over the remote while flipping across channels and I come across Tom and Jerry.

- ..if i still giggle over Bugs Bunny.

- ..if I'm addicted to Disney Channel or Cartoon Network.

- ..if I sing "U get d bessssssssssst of both wooooorldsss..." in the shower.

- ..if balloons cheer me up.

- ..if i race to get to the best swing when we go to a park.

-..if i grumble at having to giving up the best swing to an actual kid. :(

-..if the beach means three things to me - water, seashells and sand castles!!!

- ..if i know the names of all of the seven dwarfs.

- ..if i like to stick my head out the window outta a moving car.

- ..if i'd rather use a pencil and an eraser than MS Word.

- ..if i have the wrappers of every Quality Street I've eaten tucked away in a suitcase.

-..if i still grab my dad's hand before crossing the road.

-..if i still do "5 times..." in my head before telling time.

-..if i have a slap on PowerPuff Girls tattoo on my arm on certain days.

-..if i suddenly feel like going to sleep under the bed.

- ..if i still gloat over the fact that I was the best "jump-rope jumper" in my whole building.

-..if i break into a dance in the middle of the sitting room at 4am in the morning.

-..if i wanna forget bout being an adult for a lil while..

can u? :-)

Bonkers bout B'day!

So its my birthday again in like a coupla days...oh i dunno like in 5 days...that is like 120 hours...ok ok so i get really psyched bout my birthday..I can't help it!!No matter how old I get, I think I'll still get up extra early on my birthday cos I'd be just too excited to sleep, take an extra long bath, put on a newww dress which I had probaly been tryin on every night the week before, get all dressed up and go out expecting the whoooole world to be out there ready to suprise the hell outta ya.But that does'nt usually happen.Okay it has happen like never...But that would'nt dampen my spirits on my special day..I'd just sit and wait for people to call me over the phone and make a lil list of people who call me.And another smaller list of people who don't...whose birthdays will be permanently removed from my calendar.
For my birthday I want the works... cake, presents, balloons (yes,I'm not joking), umm..maybe a lil booze..thats probably the only thing that has changed over the years...
I don't know why people get depressed over the fact that you turn a whole year older...I mean,I'm turning 23.thats like...such a lil number...I mean I think they teach you to count as high as 23 on the very 2nd day of kindergarten.Got sooooo many more years to go...
I hate the day after the big day..I get this hollow feeling..there is nothing more to look forward to..atleast for another year.
Anywayz, I decided I want a suprise party this year...I've organized the whole thing.All i gotta do now is get there and act suprised...And to all those people who've been bugging me bout wat they shud get me for my birthday here is my list :

~ PlayStation 3
~ a bicycle
~ Money to straighten my hair again
~ a hair iron!
~ white pants
~ sandalz
~ buttons
~ an eyebrow plucker
~ money for my birthday treat
~ a puppy + a person to look after it..cos i really dunt have the time
~ a hairbrush
~ stuff I can't mention here
~ a hrithik roshan cut-out
~ hrithik roshan
~ a pony
~ a ride to college and back...cos walking to n from college will be what I die of eventually
~ a bucket of unsalted water
~ a cure for my week old cold
~ a book on how to avoid writing stupid posts on ur blog n then regretting it
~ a better sense of humor
~ a life...atleast a lil less pathetic one
~ lots n lots of comments :-)

...okay wat was this list bout anyway???

Anger Management

I get angry way too fast.For the silliest of things.Its been something I ve been tryin to control for waaayy too long...The only thing that has changed is the way I deal with it.

When i was little, I get angry or throw a tantrum, I usually resort to lying on the floor and curling myself up to form a tiny lil egg shape form...It was like a snail shell technique.Either that or hiding under the bed.Oh i loved that place.While most kids were scared of bogeymen under the bed, I think i spend bout 70% of my childhood under the bed.I slept there, ate meals there, did my homework there or just bitched bout life with my invisible buddies.

When i grew a lil older,I started to scribble on books or just tear up bits of papers.That didnt go too well cos it made me feel real psycho-ish and I ended up tearing a lot of my sister's study stuff..So she wasn't too happy bout that too.

Later I moved on to door slamming or just throwing stuff around.Door slamming I inherited from my dad.Throwing things around didn't work too well either cos i had to clean up the mess at the end by myself.

Then came the phase of heavy metal and crazy rock.Nothing like music to soothe ur agonies.Just feeling the furniture vibrate with the heavy bass used to make my heart beat faster.Singing along with it gives ya a whole different kinda high.

Then came the most effective therapy of all...writing.I had this lil anger journal which is gonna be one of the main reasons why I'm gonna end up in Hell.People write a lotta lousy stuff when they're pissed off.The only thing to remember here is to either burn the damn thing when your done with it or to make sure noone never ever gets even a glimpse through it.Writing sometimes just fueled my anger rather than supress it.Re-reading what I'd written just helped me remember even more clearly why exactly I'm angry.

So currently, these are the stuff I do to help control my anger or even depression.And I think its worked the best of all -

1) get drunk

2) if u can't afford that, get high on chocolate.Forget bout calories.This one is defn worth it.

3) (a)Call up a friend who could'nt care less bout ur problem but will crack u up.When I'm depressed I'm not looking for someone to talk to bout it.I'm looking for someone to help me forget bout it.(b) Call up everyone on ur phone list.At least one of them is bound to make u feel glad u exist.

4) T.V. 10 continous seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S is not gonna leave much space up there to be thinking bout any silly ol problem.

5) Dance. You do not have to be a trained dancer for this one.Nor do u have to have any sense of rhythm or whateva.Just move the way u want to.And I'd close the curtains if I were u.

6)Shop till you drop. Be nice to urself even if noone else is.Pamper yourself.

7) Go home. This applies only if u've got problems with your friends,work,college or boys.At that point knowing that u've alwayz got family to fall back on is suuuuch a relief.I come home and one look at my niece's or nephew's face and all tha anger and hurt sorta just uncoils itself and crawls outta me.Sounds lame I know but its a fact.Ur lucky if u've got kids of ur own.Personalized depression pills.or atleast thats wat I think.

8) Write in your blog bout stuff u do wen ur angry and pretend people actually give a damn. :-)

The making of me!

During most of my teenage years, I used to be a boy...wait..no not an actual boy.A wannabe..I wouldnt say a tomboy...maybe an extremely shy tomboy..wore over sized shirts,baggy jeans n boots.Had huuge geeky glasses that covered almost all of my face.Oh,in fact few girls in school used to call me Dilton.You know,the guy from Archies comics.The resemblence was purely physical.Unlike Dilt,I was pretty dumb.Not clueless like right now.Just plain dumb.
Got my hair cut at a men's salon.Was once forbidden from entering the women's restroom..but lets not talk bout that traumatic incident.I used to be disgusted by girls.Ok,not all girls..only the ones that I didn't have a crush on...yes I was at the point of questioning my sexuality.well not really.I hadn't even figured that I even had a sexuality then.

Ok so there I was...roughing it like a true-blue boy even after puberty strikes, growing manlier by the day.I think I mite've even sprout a mush soon if it weren't for THAT boy...The boy who is the reason why I am the girl I am today.The boy who made me wanna be,feel and look like a woman.
Ok honestly I don't even remember his name.He was this guy who happen to be in one of the self and personality n what-not development classes my dad always send me to.I remember he had green eyes...or they might've been brown..or grey..ok basically,he had amazing looking eyes.He hardly ever spoke to anyone.The silent strong types..I think he had a bicycle too..
So anyway..these classes were only 4 days long..and i guess the first two days were spend tryin to figure out how i feel bout this guy.I remember this one girl mention to someone that she thought that that guy was cute...and i hated that girl from that day forth.So maybe thats when i stopped trying to figure things out.
My dress sense started changing.First two days, I rolled in wearing cargos and sweatshirts.Third day...since I didnt own anythin feminine to wear at that stage,for some strange reason thought that dungarees(i think they're still called dungarees.) would make me look girl-ish..It made me look ET-ish according to that girl who seemed to be working towards a permanent spot in my hate-list pretty quickly.
The last day was when we have to do the final speech before like the whole world...ok so maybe just the other students and their folks,not the whole world.But it was a big deal-day for all of us....aaand it was my laaaast chance to create an impression with that guy.So I go shopping for girl clothes..and I tell my folks that its because I wanna look good for the big deal-day.I still remember exactly what I picked out that day.A teal colored turtle-neck n black capri pants with a lil rose embroidered at the hip...and girly sandals!My mom almost fainted.I think my dad had tears in his eyes when he saw me.He was either thinking - "Oh my god,She's discovered she's a girl!" or "Oh my god, she's gonna discover my credit cards soon" (I spend almost all my "boy" years buying only CDs, books or junk food.Sue me, Oh shopping Gods, for wasting precious shopping years!)Tried to make my hair look as girl-like as possible.Think I put on head-band and all..Not sure.All for a guy......I did mention that I was DUMB during those years,didn't I?

Ok the conclusion of this story is pretty lame.He didn't even notice.Nothing earth-shattering happen.Or almost nothing earth-shattering.There was of course...the Moment.It happen when that mean girl was asking some friend of hers what was that one mistake they would never commit.Her friend said - I'll never fall in love.Fall in love.Love.That was the exact moment that our eyes met.Mine n Mr.Pretty-Eyes's.Exactly when that other girl uttered those three words.Fall In Love.It might've been just a coincidence.But I like to look at it at a more filmy aspect.I'd like to think that at that moment our fate was sealed.Our destinies met.We had found each other....
Well not really.The night ended pretty soon.Our speeches sucked.We all went back home and I never saw him again.I mourned him for like a week and then plunged into the new and exciting (not quite exciting anymore) world of BOYS!!

And from then on, the saga went on.The hair was grown out and styled and streaked and straigtened and what-not.Make up was tried,tested and soon a part of life.Clothes grew a LOT less baggier.The sleeves were rolled down and the boots were stowed... The woman had arrived.
I'd like to dedicate this post to that guy.I thank u with a whole of my heart for bringing out the "right" side of me and turning me into who I am today.I mean physically atleast.You were truely...my first love!

Marriage?Me?Now?.....Really??

There comes a time in life when thoughts of marriage,a husband,kids,settling down..looking after a family.. is supposed to sort of enter your mind..float about a bit n then finally rest firmly making u want all those things.Now when exactly do u know if its the right time for the floating to stop and the resting to start?

I personally have got nothing against marriage..My friends freak out at the mere mention of it.Somehow i think of it as yet another new thing that i get into without thinking twice bout it and probably end up regretting it.But then thats how pretty much everything else have been so far.So how can this be different?

What i've seen of married people's lives..well its not alwayz rosy i know.And i probably would'nt be able to handle it..but still..i think i wana get married more outta mere curiousity than anythin else.its like..have u ever like really badly wanted a dog..even though u know how difficult it is to take care of it n feed it n stuff?And then when u finally get your dog..the chances r a)it bites u..and u hate it.. and u realised how u shud've listened to everyone or b)it pisses on u and gets on ur nerves and u realise how u shud've listened to everyone ,but u still learn to love it...or whateva(except wen it pees on u)

i mean absolutely no offence to husbands around the world..just this is how i have it worked out in my head...

Apparently,half my classmates from school are already married, half married(engaged) or have kids (dunt even go there!).I don't have a problem with this.I'm actually even a lil proud that I'm still the single chick seeking higher worldy wisdom..(uh yeah rite) But seriously, there is this thing bout being the one of the few unmarried ones.There are so many things i wanna do before i get married.I was checking out this friend's album on facebook.I hardly talk to her but i luv snooping bout her albums checking out what she's up to now... no i'm not a web stalker...though it seems like i am.though i've alwayz thought the idea of having a stalker would b kinda cool.I mean imagine..someone thaaat obsessed wit lil ol' me...*sigh* i dunt even have a stalker...um anywayz..bout that girl..

She's got this fast wild crazy lifestyle...Part of me badly wants that kinda life.to have fun.the CRAAAAAAZZZYY way..part of me knows i probably would'nt be able to handle that sorta life is happy with the tame life that i lead now.I forgot why i mentioned this now.maybe to make the point that..although i'm not one of those "cool" single people livin' d big life...i'm still single n thats good enuff.n mayb cool in a mediocre sense. ;-)

So everyone is kinda goin crazy tryin to get me all married..and i'm not too worried bout it cos i know its gona take me a loooong looong time to find the rite guy..probably rite up to the point where people just stop expecting me to marry.

And the deal with arranged marriages is crazy.I'm through lookin for love...not sayin i dunt believe in true love and destiny n all.Sure,i'm sure the ONE for me is out there.Probably won't find him this time.Cos I've looked this long.N if he doesnt wanna show up now also then its his problem.He's the one whose missing out.you here that??You can just keep hiding out there whereva..cos i dunt give a damn.I'VE STOP LOOKING!!LOSER!ok so maybe its just me whose the sore loser.
I can settle for the not-really-d-one-but-not-too-bad-looking ONE too.

 
Apart from goodlooking, I 'd really like the dude to be one hell of a responsible guy.do boring stuff like..go to the bank,do paperwork,get my visa renewed n stuff that are really important but really boring and i really would'nt wana be bothered with.I can do stuff like take the dog for a walk, get the grocery (just go by mum's list), water the garden..no cancel that..too boring..cant handle a garden n worms n stuff.blah.Not saying I can't do the important stuff.I can.I have been doin it.My dad has tried to make me as independant as possible.i have gone to the bank and done paperwork and got bored outa my brains.Just don't like it.I should find a guy who actually likes doing all dat.if thats even possible.

Its crazy how normal traditional Indian parents won't let their girls date..because..well 'u can't go out with someone u hardly know"..or rather.."i know that boy..he's up to no good..trust me..i m ur parent.i know best."..but then years later..when they're gettin ready to get their daughter hitched..its the same scenario..they hardly know the guy..literally a stranger.and they want u to spend your whole life with him.he could chop u up with an axe on the very first nite..how wud they know???how is this rite and that wrong?its all the same!!noone really knows anyone either wayz.people change every second.who knowz what cud happen the next second..its like this deep dark hole...u just gota jump into it.u got nooo idea wat cud be in there.u think u've got a grip on somethin so u won't hurt urself..but u never know when its gona give away and come down with u.i know i m bein all super negative.but thats all that goes on in my head...i'm like Eeyore...can't help it..

ok my feet are being literally eaten into by giant mosqitos..so I'm gona go.Wish me luck on the guy hunt..or rather..wish all the guyz out there luck...they're the ones gone b stuck with Depression Hotline 24/7.Oh well! datz life,ain't it!