Rainy Memories

I was having a miserable day the other day, travelling in a rickety bus from home to college, sweating like a pig...U know the whole thing bout how horses pespire, men sweat n women glow? That, my dear ladies n gentleman, is utter crap..unless i've got horse genes in me.It like a bloody dam exploded on top of my head..it's not a pretty sight i tell u..and not just on the top of my head...on the weirdest, unmentionable places too...its all trickle trickle trickle..

So anyway..I'm sitting there, miserable over having gone to all the trouble to take 2 hour bath to be back to my stinking self in just 10 mins..and suddenly..Heaven smiles at me..The piercing sun rays sorta withdraws abruptly like a girl who remembers she has'nt waxed her legs n draws em underneath her long skirt..There is a clap of thunder and then bliss...just pure bliss.. ok i admit, I'm a rain-a-holic...can't help it...some of the bestestest memories in my life have been made when the skies were crying...

I remember bein 5 or 6 years old and me and my sisters running outside the house as soon as the rains start, pausing at the door only a second to take in the heavenly smell of fresh wet ground...My mum and dad had pulled up chairs to sit at the doorway n watch us play...My dad never really forbade us from playing in the rain..

I dunno why i remember this..I sorta remember it in black n white..like an old photo from an album..its a good photo..

Whenever our cousins get together for the hols during the rainy season..we have atleast one rain dance session..So all the kids ranging from age 20-24 to 5-6 would be dancing around for all we're worth, drenched to the core until the mothers put an end to it...

An uncle once told me if i try hard enough, i can walk between the rain drops n not get wet at all...I spend half my childhood tryin to achieve that..ok ok so maybe I still do.. :-)

I experienced a hail storm for the first time in 4rth grade..But I was petrified...I missed pretty much the whole thing as I was crouched under the sofa until it ended. Thought pieces of the sky where falling down.

Another black n white photo moment is when in the 6th or 7th grade and me n my sister were trying to go to sleep in our room.We had this balcony with a huuge glass door.It starts raining and the thunder claps were loud and damn scary..I remember hugging my sister tight, telling her that the world is gonna end and we're all gonna die.Mom n Dad suddenly enters the room and gets into our bed(not sure why, maybe they were scared too)..suddenly it did'nt feel like the world was gonna end...suddenly the fierce lightning looked mesmirizing.We fell asleep together, watching the dancing lights..

10th grade- lunch break.We go out to the playground n see the kindergarten kids obediently standing underneath the foyer watching the rain.We're like "what the..." and barge outside and jump into every possible puddle.The lil kids laugh at first and then slowly one by one, they follow our lead.Their moms would probably have killed us if they had known we were responsibly for any cold/cough/fever their lil tyke manages to catch, but we were'nt about let them waste their childhood standing underneath the foyer.

I remember that my 12th board exams began on a rainy day...My classmates n I were on a bus going to the exam centre...One girl looks out of the window and says -" Hmm it's raining..Did u know that if you look up at the sky when its raining and say a prayer,whatever u pray for will happen?"

All of us where in the midst of tension and revision, so we just scoffed at her theory..But as soon as we stepped out of the bus, I saw pretty much all the girls, faces directed skyward, eyes shut firmly in concentration, hands clasped together, praying for all they're worth...including me.. :-)

I remember sitting on the rooftop of my grandma's house on a rainy day, crying over a fight with a friend and at the same time, pretending to read a book.

I remember seeing, for the first time (i'm not an avid watcher of Animal Planet) two dogs...um...gettin it on... on a rainy day. And calling them shameless creatures.. "I mean seriously, get a room!"

1st year of college...The rain is falling rite in through the huge window.. the veranda in our hostel room is flooded...As in the floors were getting wet but we treat it like a national disaster..."My books are gettin soaked! Save my books!" " Forget her books, get the food outta there!!" We spend all afternoon saving our precious possessions.

2nd year in college...Its nite time..Its raining pretty bad.My roommates and I fill our coffee mugs with ice cold sickly sweet ice tea and sneak into the forbidden terrace.Sitting in the pouring rain, we chat and drink our tea as if we're totally oblivious to the storm around us.One of us start dancing and pretty soon we're all dancing.One of us suddenly lies down flat on the floor.We follow.If u have'nt tried this, I'm tellin u pleaaaase do..Its like one of the most amazing feelings ever...can't even start to explain it..

I remember making a pact with a friend.We promised to think of each other whenever it rains.We'd give each other missed calls whenever it rained.Which was kinda silly cos sometimes it rained like 6 billion times a day....The friend is long gone..so is the friendship..the pact is also forgotten..but..

I met a special someone on a rainy day.

I realise that the special someone is not so special after all on another rainy day.

One day,I decide to move on. And its raining again.

I remember doing our journalism internship during the rainy month...running to various locations to collect stories all in the rain..walking through the highway, vehicles roaring past us, all the time the rain just kept beating down on us..Made it seem all the more filmy!

This is probably my favoritest memory of rain - the eve of my eldest sister's wedding. Its raining bad.Me n my middle sister watch the rain for a while then look at each other, grin and run outside.The place is covered with relatives and guests. Dejected, we go back into the house.

"The terrace!!" and then we run upstairs.The bride-to-be is sitting on her bed looking at her mehendi. She watches as we run into the terrace. I pop a cd in the cd player and pretty soon we're dancing our ass off. My eldest sister is watchin us with longing eyes.We're like "Don't u dare! Its ur wedding tomo..you can't afford to get sick!But we can...nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!"

She holds back for one more sec and then "To hell with it!I'm coming too!" And joins us. So that was it. The three of us..dancing about like idiots..knowing that tomorrow things'll change..responsibilties will come up..we'll turn into wifes and mothers.I dunno if my sisters remember this incident as well as i do.For me, it was this bitter-sweet experience..

Ok i know this post is not like the rest.And it mite even seem boring to some of yall..I wrote this one for me..I don't wanna wake up one day and not remember all this.If i do, I can always read this and go "ohh yeaaaah...i remember now..."

There are many many more incidents like this..some that i cannot put up here..without askin the other people involved in the episode..

So thats my story bout the rain.I've danced in the rain,laughed in the rain, cried in the rain, sang my heart out in the rain, made a billion memories in the rain..

SHHHHH!Don't tell anybody...

Today in marketing class, our sir was speakin bout Secrets..ok I dunno why he was doing that in marketing class..I would probably have known if i had actually been listening..hmm..so anyway,all of a sudden, he's speaking about secrets..n suddenly he looks at me n goes - "hmm..so do you have a lotta secrets you can't tell anyone?"

Ok how dumb..first of all everyone has secrets..so thats a dumb question to start with.
And secondly..if its a secret then you obviously can't tell anyone..so thats like a redundant sentence...but then when I thought bout it..there are a lotta different kinda secrets..
There are secrets which u can't tell anyone..d kinds you take with you to ur grave..
N there are the kinds u tell just one person...just to see what the reaction'll be.
N if u like the reaction, then there is the third kinda secret..the kind u actually want everyone to know..i mean you'd be telling it to the 14 billionth person but u still start with "ok you're the first n only person who I'm telling this to..."
I dunno if its laddat for everyone...
I think I have more of the 1st kinda secret that d other 2 kinds..ever since i was say 5 years old i think..honestly..
I read this book once called Can u keep a secret? (chick-lit) where this female on an airplane thinks its gonna crash n blurts out all the secrets of her life to the guy sitting next to her.N then the plane does not crash n the guy falls in luv with her n they get married...OH Puh-leez..
Thats like one of my favourite books ever..but that situation is like soooooo not possible..
If i were in the same condition - first of all..I never get to sit next to anyone even remotely good-lookin or the "fall-in-love" with kinda ppl...It alwayz drunk middle-age men who has to get up to pee 6 bazilliiiooon times or old women or lil babies or nobody...
Ok so say some decent guy did actually sit down next to me n I did blurt out all the deep dark secrets of my life, the last thing he'd do is fall in love with me...he'd probably get so disturbed (thats as subtly as i can put it) he'd probably push me outta the plane before it can crash...
I mean why is a secret a secret?
because you don't want other people to know bout it.Because you might get into trouble if they find out.Or you might hurt someone's feelings if they find out.Basically other people's perception bout you is just gonna be a whole lot different once they find out everything bout u,right? So all those people who goes around saying.. "I don't care wat people think bout me..I am the way I am"...don't have any secrets?? from anyone? hmm I dunno..Maybe they don't.I'm just speakin based on my narrow frame of mind..
Oh then there is also the kinda secret that u think noone knows but then everyone knows but then wen u figure out everyone knows u just sorta don't say anything bout it so that everyone can just keep pretending noone knowz anything...ok..blah..scratch that..too compli..
Ok so those of ya'll who read so far thinking I'm gonna reveal some big-time historical secret bout me..HA!I don't even have the cool kinda secrets anyway..If I were to reveal some secret, I wish i had full-on
dish-kyaao kinda secrets..like..
I practice black magic on Fridays 12am to 3am .. or It was me who set our apartment on fire on Jan 6th,1999...or stuff laddat..
But sadly enough...ok who am i kidding..I've got looooadsaaa dish-kyaao, dish-um and dhink-chak secrets....which ur never gonna find out!!bahahahhahah! :-P

To Be or Not To Be Do Be Dooooo!!

I've crossed the invisible line that marks adulthood ages ago..But i can't help it..

- ..if i still wake up on weekends with a smile on my face, thankful that I don't have to go to school.

- ..if i stop paying attention to what the older crowd is talking bout and unknowingly tune into news bout the mean ol' science teacher or the day someone wore the wrong shoes on games day.

- ..if I blow spit bubbles every once in a while.

- ..if I spend more than 30 minutes trying to get to the last bit of Nutella in the jar.

- ..if I still wanna put on sparkly Hello Kitty hairclips.

- ..if I wanna do the tight-rope walk on the edge of the pavement.

- ..if my ears pick up any mention of 17-year old sons of family friends before i realise I'm not 14 anymore..or perv-y.

- ..if i still consider Winnie the Pooh bedspreads.

- ..if my fingers still freezes over the remote while flipping across channels and I come across Tom and Jerry.

- ..if i still giggle over Bugs Bunny.

- ..if I'm addicted to Disney Channel or Cartoon Network.

- ..if I sing "U get d bessssssssssst of both wooooorldsss..." in the shower.

- ..if balloons cheer me up.

- ..if i race to get to the best swing when we go to a park.

-..if i grumble at having to giving up the best swing to an actual kid. :(

-..if the beach means three things to me - water, seashells and sand castles!!!

- ..if i know the names of all of the seven dwarfs.

- ..if i like to stick my head out the window outta a moving car.

- ..if i'd rather use a pencil and an eraser than MS Word.

- ..if i have the wrappers of every Quality Street I've eaten tucked away in a suitcase.

-..if i still grab my dad's hand before crossing the road.

-..if i still do "5 times..." in my head before telling time.

-..if i have a slap on PowerPuff Girls tattoo on my arm on certain days.

-..if i suddenly feel like going to sleep under the bed.

- ..if i still gloat over the fact that I was the best "jump-rope jumper" in my whole building.

-..if i break into a dance in the middle of the sitting room at 4am in the morning.

-..if i wanna forget bout being an adult for a lil while..

can u? :-)

Bonkers bout B'day!

So its my birthday again in like a coupla days...oh i dunno like in 5 days...that is like 120 hours...ok ok so i get really psyched bout my birthday..I can't help it!!No matter how old I get, I think I'll still get up extra early on my birthday cos I'd be just too excited to sleep, take an extra long bath, put on a newww dress which I had probaly been tryin on every night the week before, get all dressed up and go out expecting the whoooole world to be out there ready to suprise the hell outta ya.But that does'nt usually happen.Okay it has happen like never...But that would'nt dampen my spirits on my special day..I'd just sit and wait for people to call me over the phone and make a lil list of people who call me.And another smaller list of people who don't...whose birthdays will be permanently removed from my calendar.
For my birthday I want the works... cake, presents, balloons (yes,I'm not joking), umm..maybe a lil booze..thats probably the only thing that has changed over the years...
I don't know why people get depressed over the fact that you turn a whole year older...I mean,I'm turning 23.thats like...such a lil number...I mean I think they teach you to count as high as 23 on the very 2nd day of kindergarten.Got sooooo many more years to go...
I hate the day after the big day..I get this hollow feeling..there is nothing more to look forward to..atleast for another year.
Anywayz, I decided I want a suprise party this year...I've organized the whole thing.All i gotta do now is get there and act suprised...And to all those people who've been bugging me bout wat they shud get me for my birthday here is my list :

~ PlayStation 3
~ a bicycle
~ Money to straighten my hair again
~ a hair iron!
~ white pants
~ sandalz
~ buttons
~ an eyebrow plucker
~ money for my birthday treat
~ a puppy + a person to look after it..cos i really dunt have the time
~ a hairbrush
~ stuff I can't mention here
~ a hrithik roshan cut-out
~ hrithik roshan
~ a pony
~ a ride to college and back...cos walking to n from college will be what I die of eventually
~ a bucket of unsalted water
~ a cure for my week old cold
~ a book on how to avoid writing stupid posts on ur blog n then regretting it
~ a better sense of humor
~ a life...atleast a lil less pathetic one
~ lots n lots of comments :-)

...okay wat was this list bout anyway???

Anger Management

I get angry way too fast.For the silliest of things.Its been something I ve been tryin to control for waaayy too long...The only thing that has changed is the way I deal with it.

When i was little, I get angry or throw a tantrum, I usually resort to lying on the floor and curling myself up to form a tiny lil egg shape form...It was like a snail shell technique.Either that or hiding under the bed.Oh i loved that place.While most kids were scared of bogeymen under the bed, I think i spend bout 70% of my childhood under the bed.I slept there, ate meals there, did my homework there or just bitched bout life with my invisible buddies.

When i grew a lil older,I started to scribble on books or just tear up bits of papers.That didnt go too well cos it made me feel real psycho-ish and I ended up tearing a lot of my sister's study stuff..So she wasn't too happy bout that too.

Later I moved on to door slamming or just throwing stuff around.Door slamming I inherited from my dad.Throwing things around didn't work too well either cos i had to clean up the mess at the end by myself.

Then came the phase of heavy metal and crazy rock.Nothing like music to soothe ur agonies.Just feeling the furniture vibrate with the heavy bass used to make my heart beat faster.Singing along with it gives ya a whole different kinda high.

Then came the most effective therapy of all...writing.I had this lil anger journal which is gonna be one of the main reasons why I'm gonna end up in Hell.People write a lotta lousy stuff when they're pissed off.The only thing to remember here is to either burn the damn thing when your done with it or to make sure noone never ever gets even a glimpse through it.Writing sometimes just fueled my anger rather than supress it.Re-reading what I'd written just helped me remember even more clearly why exactly I'm angry.

So currently, these are the stuff I do to help control my anger or even depression.And I think its worked the best of all -

1) get drunk

2) if u can't afford that, get high on chocolate.Forget bout calories.This one is defn worth it.

3) (a)Call up a friend who could'nt care less bout ur problem but will crack u up.When I'm depressed I'm not looking for someone to talk to bout it.I'm looking for someone to help me forget bout it.(b) Call up everyone on ur phone list.At least one of them is bound to make u feel glad u exist.

4) T.V. 10 continous seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S is not gonna leave much space up there to be thinking bout any silly ol problem.

5) Dance. You do not have to be a trained dancer for this one.Nor do u have to have any sense of rhythm or whateva.Just move the way u want to.And I'd close the curtains if I were u.

6)Shop till you drop. Be nice to urself even if noone else is.Pamper yourself.

7) Go home. This applies only if u've got problems with your friends,work,college or boys.At that point knowing that u've alwayz got family to fall back on is suuuuch a relief.I come home and one look at my niece's or nephew's face and all tha anger and hurt sorta just uncoils itself and crawls outta me.Sounds lame I know but its a fact.Ur lucky if u've got kids of ur own.Personalized depression pills.or atleast thats wat I think.

8) Write in your blog bout stuff u do wen ur angry and pretend people actually give a damn. :-)

The making of me!

During most of my teenage years, I used to be a boy...wait..no not an actual boy.A wannabe..I wouldnt say a tomboy...maybe an extremely shy tomboy..wore over sized shirts,baggy jeans n boots.Had huuge geeky glasses that covered almost all of my face.Oh,in fact few girls in school used to call me Dilton.You know,the guy from Archies comics.The resemblence was purely physical.Unlike Dilt,I was pretty dumb.Not clueless like right now.Just plain dumb.
Got my hair cut at a men's salon.Was once forbidden from entering the women's restroom..but lets not talk bout that traumatic incident.I used to be disgusted by girls.Ok,not all girls..only the ones that I didn't have a crush on...yes I was at the point of questioning my sexuality.well not really.I hadn't even figured that I even had a sexuality then.

Ok so there I was...roughing it like a true-blue boy even after puberty strikes, growing manlier by the day.I think I mite've even sprout a mush soon if it weren't for THAT boy...The boy who is the reason why I am the girl I am today.The boy who made me wanna be,feel and look like a woman.
Ok honestly I don't even remember his name.He was this guy who happen to be in one of the self and personality n what-not development classes my dad always send me to.I remember he had green eyes...or they might've been brown..or grey..ok basically,he had amazing looking eyes.He hardly ever spoke to anyone.The silent strong types..I think he had a bicycle too..
So anyway..these classes were only 4 days long..and i guess the first two days were spend tryin to figure out how i feel bout this guy.I remember this one girl mention to someone that she thought that that guy was cute...and i hated that girl from that day forth.So maybe thats when i stopped trying to figure things out.
My dress sense started changing.First two days, I rolled in wearing cargos and sweatshirts.Third day...since I didnt own anythin feminine to wear at that stage,for some strange reason thought that dungarees(i think they're still called dungarees.) would make me look girl-ish..It made me look ET-ish according to that girl who seemed to be working towards a permanent spot in my hate-list pretty quickly.
The last day was when we have to do the final speech before like the whole world...ok so maybe just the other students and their folks,not the whole world.But it was a big deal-day for all of us....aaand it was my laaaast chance to create an impression with that guy.So I go shopping for girl clothes..and I tell my folks that its because I wanna look good for the big deal-day.I still remember exactly what I picked out that day.A teal colored turtle-neck n black capri pants with a lil rose embroidered at the hip...and girly sandals!My mom almost fainted.I think my dad had tears in his eyes when he saw me.He was either thinking - "Oh my god,She's discovered she's a girl!" or "Oh my god, she's gonna discover my credit cards soon" (I spend almost all my "boy" years buying only CDs, books or junk food.Sue me, Oh shopping Gods, for wasting precious shopping years!)Tried to make my hair look as girl-like as possible.Think I put on head-band and all..Not sure.All for a guy......I did mention that I was DUMB during those years,didn't I?

Ok the conclusion of this story is pretty lame.He didn't even notice.Nothing earth-shattering happen.Or almost nothing earth-shattering.There was of course...the Moment.It happen when that mean girl was asking some friend of hers what was that one mistake they would never commit.Her friend said - I'll never fall in love.Fall in love.Love.That was the exact moment that our eyes met.Mine n Mr.Pretty-Eyes's.Exactly when that other girl uttered those three words.Fall In Love.It might've been just a coincidence.But I like to look at it at a more filmy aspect.I'd like to think that at that moment our fate was sealed.Our destinies met.We had found each other....
Well not really.The night ended pretty soon.Our speeches sucked.We all went back home and I never saw him again.I mourned him for like a week and then plunged into the new and exciting (not quite exciting anymore) world of BOYS!!

And from then on, the saga went on.The hair was grown out and styled and streaked and straigtened and what-not.Make up was tried,tested and soon a part of life.Clothes grew a LOT less baggier.The sleeves were rolled down and the boots were stowed... The woman had arrived.
I'd like to dedicate this post to that guy.I thank u with a whole of my heart for bringing out the "right" side of me and turning me into who I am today.I mean physically atleast.You were truely...my first love!