Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I Hate Because I Can

Dr. Sigmund Freud defined hate as an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its unhappiness. More recently, the Penquin Dictionary of Psychology defines hate as a " deep, enduring, intense emotion expressing animosity, anger, and hostility towards a person, group or object."

5 Things I Hate

Picking up the phone
I absolutely de-test having to pick up the house phone. Cos a) nobody ever calls me in dat. and b) I hate having to make small talk with whoever does call. It just infuriates my mom when I'm sitting like 2cms away from the phone and still make her walk all the way from the kitchen to come up pick up the damn thing. And I hate when people respond to a Hello with a Hello. And then I say Hello again and they say Hello again and I say Hello again and.... Grrr. Makes me want to reach into the phone and clobber the person on the other end. I kinda appreciate prank calls in a way. Cos they keep the conversations short and simple. And its ok to hang up rudely. One time this breather calls up (breather : person who calls on the phone and instead of talking demostrates interesting breathing patterns instead) and I was in a real bad mood so I come out with all abuses I was aware of at that point. And all of a sudden the breather goes Hello and he sounds an awful lot like my Dad's Boss. Ugh. I hang up and pray that a third leg emerges out of the back of my neck so that I can kick myself conviniently. I've never been able to look the guy straight in the eye after that. And I never really figured out why he called up to breath.

Having a snot sneeze
Sometimes its nice because it sorta like clears your head and stuff. But have you ever had a snot sneeze when lying flat on ur back and have no tissue or hanky nearby? Not a pretty picture, I tell you. It was different when we were little kids and it was okay to wipe it whereever we wanted (what, that was not okay??) And are you kind who looks into the hanky after sneezing? I am. Can't help it. I have to see if it made a pretty little pattern. Please don't stop visiting my blog cos I'm such a pig.
And also at this point, I would like a moment of silence to think about Tariq, the booger eater in my class in Grade one. I mean sure we all used to go all eww and stuff, but I secretly had a crush on him for making an effort to be different.

People Looking at me Brush my Teeth
Brushing to me is almost as personal as peeing or bathing. Thing is I'm not the neatest brusher on earth. I'm a sloppy brusher. I get foam all over the place. Its like a foam fest. If someone were standing next to me, I'd get a little foam on them as well. I get creeped out thinking bout couples who brush together and share the same toothbrush and stuff. My husband would want to divorce me at the sight of my toothbrush alone. Tends to look like I washed the entire bathroom with it.

Having to repeat myself 867493826 times
So okay maybe I don't have the loudest voice in the world. But sometimes I feel that people just go "huh?" just to annoy you. I usually try twice and then say "its not important" the third time. Do you know how many important thoughts of mine have been left unsaid cos it this? Thank god I have this blog.

My nose
I didn't always hate it. I mean it was a normal nose until the day I was suddenly cursed. See I used to make fun of my sister's nose throughout half my life. So I'm sure she had something to do with my nose turning out the way it did. Its like what someone said somewhere once : I look at the mirror in the morning and the first thing I run into is my nose... or something like that. It was funnier when I read it. If anyone knows the quote I'm talkin bout please let me know. So yeah thats my case. I wouldnt call it the biggest part of my body. Maybe the 4rth biggest. But its defnitely the biggest thing on my face.