Monday, May 7, 2012

Movie Mysteries

I read this in a blog recently :

All henchmen in movies attack only one at a time (i.e henchman number 5 waits for henchman number 4 to get his ass kicked and only then will he attack the hero.)?

Its something I've pondered over for the longest time. Seriously, what do those henchmen do when the fellow who went in first is getting beat up? Try to figure out a punching pattern or something? And the hero delivers like one blow and they're all like there on the floor immovable. I mean, one blow? You're a henchman, for God's sake... I bet your employers had given you a bit more credit when they took you in for the job. And why do the women involved always stand around and do nothing? They could flee for their lives but no they just stand there and look squeamish. And in some bizarre scenarios, they clap and cheer. And thus cheer-girls where invented.

Anyway, this made me think of all the queries that often cross my mind while watching movies. Now, I know most of the stuff in this list doesn't happen in movies nowadays.

Wind in your Hair 
I don't question why the wind almost always blows only on the heroine's face, even if she's in the bathroom. But why do they bother with the wind at all? I mean, your hair definitely does not look better when its flying around all over the place especially after stylists spend a lot of hours painstakingly setting it in the exact right position. On the rare occasions that I do get my hair set, I get a crick in my neck trying not to move my head about too much so as to spoil the effect. And what happens if the wind blows in the opposite direction? You'll know this if you've got longish hair. Its the most annoying feeling in the world when hair falls all over your eyes and gets in your mouth.  I'd like to see atleast one heroine try and look all glamorous when that happens.

Talk to the Wall
You know those scenes when two people are having a conversation and one person suddenly gets up while talking, turns away to the sea or the road or the wall and continue talking. I mean who does that in real life? If someone got up in the middle of a conversation and walked away still talking, I'd be like "Wha...Where you going? What's over there?". And also I'd go "What?" a billion times because I wouldn't be able to hear properly. 

Do you suppose these are men he went to school with?
Dream Sequence 
I think dream sequences are awesome. Where they go into song and dance in a dream. In all those wild outfits. But its one thing to dream about you and your man shaking booties. But do you also dream up the extras in the background and their ghastly outfits? Is that why their outfits are always way worse than the heroine's? Because you don't get enough time to dream up a proper outfit? And how does one dream up their faces? I used to have these sorta dreams when I was younger and everyone's faces used to be blurred..including the leading man's. And also there'd be no music. If there was music in my dreams, I'd be winning Grammys by now.

No Smoking Please
Why do they show the smoking is injurious message at the beginning of the movie? People aren't gonna remember it by the time the actual scene which shows smoking comes on screen. Impressionable kids aren't exactly gonna think "Omg, I bet I'd look cooler than SRK if I light a ciggy like that, but oh-oh I can't because they told me smoking is injurious at the beginning of the movie." Its just like why they bother putting up the statutory warning in cig boxes. Ciggy-buyers aren't gonna suddenly read that and go "EGAAAAD.... its WHAT to health?? Why'd nobody tell me?!"

umm, ok so maybe there are exceptions!
Runny Mess
When the hero, heroine whoever cries in movies, why is it that only their eyes water? When I cry, water comes out of my eyes and nose and mouth and I also get a huge urge to pee. And you never never neverrr look that good while crying. Trust me, I've looked in the mirror while crying. I've written bout this in another post. Craptacular you'll look. 

Imagine opening the door to the milkman like this!
Dress Up Day
This happens more or less in Hindi tele-serials. Where all the members of the family get up in the morning and put on clothes that normal human beings wear to other people's weddings or even their own weddings. I don't really follow any Hindi serial. So I wonder. What do they wear for actual social events? How much dressier can they get? I'd like to do that sometime though. Get up and wear a glittery saree or a fully-worked lehenga and walk about the house and do normal mundane stuff like watch tv or feed the dog or wash dishes. I can only imagine the look on my mom and dad's faces if I did that. hehe. I think everyone should do that! Just for the sake of it! What you got to lose anyway?

I can't think of more right now. But I'm sure there are many many more. If you think of any, do comment bout it. 
And don't get me wrong. I adore movies. In spite of all the flaws and corny-ness and illogical activity. In fact around 70% of my knowledge I gained from movies. Its these unreasonable things that makes the movies all the more Awesome sometimes, right? I mean who wants to see the reality where the hero cries like a pretty little girl after the first punch someone lays on him. Or the heroine choking on her own hair everytime it flies into her mouth. So flaws or no flaws, keep em movies coming.