Tuesday, December 7, 2010

All for a Speck of Happiness

I need a new best friend.
Uh, no...not a human one. Not an invisible one either, got enough of those. I meant the ultimate man's best friend..A Dog!
It's so dumb that the woman's best friend are supposed to be diamonds.. I mean Diamonds are rocks..an inanimate thing...and men get dogs.. How sad does that make women look? Hi, my best friend is a rock. That is just dumb. And so not true. Women's true best friend would be something like....um...chocolate ice creams and discount sales.. ok ok so they're inanimate things too but they're a lot more closer to dog than diamonds are.

Anyhow, I've been watching all these movies with dogs and cats and monkeys and stuff and how people seem so content with life with the whole slow-mo running in the wind and happy kind background music n all.. I want that.. I need a new happy quotient in my life. I figured it'd be fun. It'll be like looking after a little baby and I'm super good with babies. The only difference is not I'm not even a wee bit afraid of babies...like I am of dogs. I'm not thaat scared of dogs.. I mean I could look at them hours.. in pictures or on TV or from a distance. It's just the way they're always moving about.. as in there is no certainty as to what they'll do next. I can't live with the suspense that comes with dogs. And also, the barking. My neighbour's dog is just adorable well.. from this side of the wall. But when it starts barking in the middle of the night.. I mean, again there is no warning. It's like a gun shot. One minute its all quiet and cute and then WOOOOOOFF! Its like a bazillion decibels.. And I swear that is what is going to cause my heart to stop one day. I'm putting that neighbour's dog's name on my death note.
Okaaay.. so maybe dogs are not my best option. I considered cats, but their meow is just so whiny and clingy and yueaack.. Also its not just their meow thats yucky... This one time I was sitting in my balcony staring into nothingness, when I see this cat strolling along on the roof of my house. We make eye contact. I wondered if I should run (ok blah so I'm kinda scared of cats too. I'm scared of anything that has claws.) But then I figured it was at a safe distance so I settle down and decided to have a bit of a chat. It was the most attentive cat, I'd ever met. It never took my eyes off me throughout the conversation. But it was also highly inexpressive which made me feel a little awkward. All of a sudden the cat starts jerking its head back and forth, like a bad dance move. I'm like what the.. and BARF. Bright yellow liquid burst out of the cat's mouth. And so that is how I dislike all insensitive cats who throw up listening to your problems.

And finally it was my sister who helped me decide on my animal pal.. She got me not one not two not three but four best friends for my birthday. Kinds that don't shed fur or slobber or puke on you. She got me Chicken! Three female ones and one male. I was just thrilled. Sure, I've had a life-altering experience with a chicken in the past (too long to explain. will write as a whole different post someday) I decided to let bygones be bygones and welcome these charming creatures back into my life.
We got a little house build for them and painted it and everything. And one of the hens started laying eggs.. and when they hatched, I felt like a mom would when she sees her baby(s) for the first time. My mom said that we'd have to dye them green so as to camouflage them from crows and eagles. Which was great except then we could'nt find them later either amidst all the greens.
This one time one of the little chicks hurt its leg and dad brought it inside the house and me and my sister tried to feed it and everything. And we fixed it a bed inside a box and I sang it to sleep and ran to its side everytime it woke up in the night. It went right back to sleep when I cupped it in my hands. The whole happy feeling the movies showed were coming to life alright..........Until...

They all grew up and turned into.. well.. animals! They'd poop anywhere and everywhere. They do IT anywhere and everywhere with anyone. I swear, there was something really creepy about the way that rooster looked at me sometimes. Brrr..
And the worst of all.. you know how in movies and everything, they symbolize morning with a faint yet refreshing sound of rooster crowing.. and you're all like aaahh and feel nice and warm inside. right? Well, movies are nothing but a loada bull-crap. There is nothing refreshing or warm or nice bout a rooster crowing. Because first of all, my rooster has got its biological clock all messed up. It crows at 12 in the night then at 2 then again anywhere between 4 and 6. Messed up, I tell you. All of the chickens abandoned the nice home we built them and took to perching on the open windows of my bedroom. So when they do the whole cock-a-doodle-do.. which by the way is nothing like that, its like a creepy croak crossed between an agonizing yet blood-thirsty scream. And at that hour, its like a bloody Dolby system. At one point we had two roosters, one at each window. So when one stops the other would follow. Torture.. it was Ultimate torture. Up to a point where I would actually pry my eyelids open, grab a mop from the bathroom and wave it frantically out the window hoping to stick it through their throats. My dad was all like you shouldn't stop them, it's a part of their instincts and nature and blah.. So you sleep in my room then, I retort. Uh-uh no way.. Ha!

Finally we decided to give the roosters away. This lady my mom knew came by the house to pick them up one day. She needed help putting one of the roosters into a large bag. So I helped while the rooster looked at me for not more than a second with those beady black eyes and WHAM, pecked me nice and hard. He had gotten his revenge for all the mop poking nights.
I said goodbye to him then but I still have an ugly dark scar between my thumb and index finger to remember him forever. And ok I admit although I was ecstatic about being able to sleep in late, I missed seeing the lil fellow strut his stuff looking like he owned the place.
Maybe chickens are not the answer to lifelong happiness. They brought that much needed drama back into my life. And I'm grateful to them for that. As for a new best friend... I think I've got one in my fridge right now. A huge tub of chocolate ice cream! Yay! Nothing can beat that kind of happiness! Ta! 

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Stupid Cupid

I know a lotta unhappy single people. Ok no I don't. Only unhappy single person I know is me. Apparently the whole entire rest of the world is busy hooking up. So anyways, I came up with a list of reasons why its so fantabulously awesome being single. Now, I know lotta un-single people are gonna read this and have a problem with it. Well, screw you. I'm gona say all sorta rubbish if its gona make me feel better. You go cry bout it to your girl/guy while I cry bout it to.. um.. well my computer. Wow, now that does not make me look like a geek at all!

10 reasons to stay single

1. You're saner. Notice how people in love just seem to lose it? I mean up until the day before it happens, they're all normal. The very next day they're stressing over questions to which the answer seems pretty darn simple to you..Lose the guy/girl! As a single person, you do not forget that PDA is gross. You do not forget that "mushy fwd messages" are not an appropriate status message. You do not forget that colour-coding your clothes with anyone is lame.

2. You get to play the field. The most obvious reason of them all. And even if your not even in the field and have no intention of playing, you still have the option. (unless you're a geek who complains to her computer) which is quite a relief. Its like having a whole lotta apples instead of one big pineapple. Besides if some of the apples rot, you have still more apple. If the pineapple rot, you think you can throw it out, but u can't. You're stuck with the pineapple, the spikes and everything. And sometimes pineapples tend to make your tongue itch. Ever notice that? Um, I mean the actual pineapples. Lost track of the metaphor.

3.You don't have to dress to impress. I mean, I know not a lotta people do it, but i happen to know a few couple who wears only exactly what the other person wants them to wear. Everyday. Which I think is completely and utterly ridiculous. Same goes with changing hairdos and piercings and moreon. When people are done asking parents for permission, they find themselves a new permission-giver. Then again, these kindsa couples are not that common any more, but they do still exist just for the sole purpose of making me gag.

4. I can choose not to pick up the phone and not be given the third degree for it. Nobody spends a sleepless night if I forget to call back after I promised I would (well not a lotta people) or if I fall asleep while speaking to them. I do not require special talktime schemes and free messages or lovey dovey fwd messages. I don't have to call a certain somebody first on New Year's or Valentines Day or Christmas or when England wins the World Cup. I can just randomly punch numbers. I don't have to send Good Night and Good Morning messages (I wouldnt even if I had to) I don't have to explain why my phone was busy or switched off or why I took so long to pick up. I don't need to depend on any certain sumbody's call or message to make me happy or turn my day better. I can choose whoever I want to make me smile.

5. I don't have to worry about waxing.

6. I don't have to pretend to laugh at unfunny things.No such thing like even if noone elses laughs, I'm supposed to laugh. No such obligation. I don't have to like things I don't have to like. Like cricket or action movies or v-necks.

7. I don't have to think bout any special somebody when I hear any song or movie or book. I can just hear the song or watch the movie or read the book without distractions.

8. I get to use public transport and not the backseat of some ratty old bike or car, Or worse, walk!

9. I get to go shopping and walk past the men's wear section without thinking "Oh, so and so would look so nice in this". I get to spend all my money on me!

10. I don't have to wait for just one person to tell me I'm beautiful or gorgeous. I can just put up an awesome profile pic up and get like a bazillion comments And likes.

And one more..

11. Movies with tragic endings where the hero and heroine don't end up together makes me happy. Its realistic.. or so I like to think.

And ok one more thing. What's the deal with cupid? Is it a kid or a midget or a what? And if it's a lil kid then how can he be setting people up? I mean he's just a kid. Aren't girls and lovey stuff supposed to be ''yucky'' to him? If its a midget, then who wants to be set up by a dude in a diaper?? And I doubt if he's had much of a personal life to start with thanks to the diaper and insanely red cheeks.

So I end on a happy note. Singledom is to be cherished. Singledom is a gift from God. Singledom ROCKS!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Ready. Get Set. View!

Bird watching, whale watching, solar eclipse viewing, tv viewing and bride-viewing. Ugh.
Bride-viewing. Ugh.
Honestly though, I never really had a problem with the whole process. I thought it was something that everyone just has to go through and it was rather fun when my sisters had to do it. But seriously.. bride-viewing.. ugh..I'm sorry everytime I say the word it makes me wanna say ugh cos it is...just UGH! Viewing it seems. Like a bride.. is a view.. and why is it bride viewing? The bride "views" the groom too! Why not groom-viewing? Ugh. Ok maybe it the viewing bit that gets to me. Viewing. Yeesh... I just checked the thesaurus to see if there is a better term... apparently it could only get a lot worse. It could be bride-observation or bride-scrutiny or bride-analysis (You gotta admit this one sounds kinda cool though) or bride-inspection. Yuck. No matter what you call it, the whole damn process will remain as yucky as ever. For those who are not familiar with the grand process, you could either google it... or I could just tell you since you've been kind enough to read bout it this far without having a clue what I'm talking bout. Bride viewing is when a random guy's mum n dad decides to meet up with a random girl's mom n dad for tea or whateva and talk to each other for say half hour and let the random guy and girl talk for maybe 10 minutes as a result of which they are expected to fall head over heels in love with each other and want to marry each other immediately. But the guy falling in love with the girl will be unaccounted for if the mom and dad does not fall in love with the girl first, based on her looks, the number of ornaments she is (read - been forced to) wearing, her posture, her voice, her teeth, her skin colour, her size (now I could be referring to any size..including shoe size), the way she ties her hair, if she's smudged her kohl, the way she makes small talk and the way she smiles and smiles until her cheeks fall off. After which the guy's mom n dad has to fall in love with the girl's mom and dad. And the house. And the furniture. And the car.  And the servant. And more. You would sooo not have found a defnition this apt if you had googled. :-)
So anyways, I kinda thought that it was gonna be fun. I mean if you think of it, you get to check out a random guy head to toe without even having to step out of the house and with your parents permission. How bizzare is that!?
Except the closer you get to actually experiencing it, the more you realise that this is a bad bad idea.
The first guy who came to see me... well I didnt even give the poor guy a chance. I told my dad that I don't think I like the guy right after I read his biodata and saw his picture which I believe he took right after or right before he threw up. I also dug up stuff from Facebook and Orkut about the poor lad that could help me justify why exactly I don't like him. Even then my dad was under the impression that if I "just speak to the guy, I will change my mind" and fall hopelessly in love with him. I didn't think so but whatever. Decided to humor him.
The only thing I was worried bout was everyone making a big huge deal out of it and getting all nervous. I was hardly nervous or excited about it. I was totally and entirely tensed about my driver's license test the next day though. This seemed like a cakewalk compared to that.
Things were all good until the relatives show up. I forgot to mention that for these kinda "ceremonies" more often than not, relatives and friends are invited to witness the grand event all and to bug you until you  wanna run off and join a monastery. So until then everyone was minding their own business and I was playing with my nephew and the chickens n all. The relatives bug me into changing my clothes and getting ready although it would be hours until the "viewers" would show up. I didn't argue. I went and changed into "very" decent girl clothes and totally did everything they wanted me to and tried my best to turn me into someone I'm not. One of my relatives wanted me to slap on a coupla layers of foundation. That really pissed me off. I mean say I get married to this dude. And the day after I'm married he sees me without the 10 layers of foundation, I wouldn't want him to die of heart failure. I mean in this setting, I'm really not gonna get married to a guy who loves me for my personality or shit. Mite as well marry a guy who likes me for what I truely and honestly look like atleast. So yeah anyway, I swallow my frustration and ignore everything else they have to say.

Anyway to cut the long story short, the guy shows up. And I was busy playing with the chicken. Mom announces their arrival and suddenly I have this incredible urge to laugh uncontrollably. I reaally hoped I wouldn't go stand in front of them and have a giggling fit. Maybe it was then that the ridiculousness of it all sank in. I sneak a peek and see the guy who looks up and sees me at the same time. In a normal situation I would've totally gone all la-la-la at this point since I loooove filmy moments like this. Right then it just made my stomach ache. Not in a good way either. I was forbidden from going out there and meeting them until I'm called out. So I'm sitting there in my room, texting my friends and waiting and waiting cos I was really hungry and my folks had got all these goodies and snacks for when these people show up. My sis comes in and tells me that they're eating now. Oh goody now I can go. No not yet, says Sis. Ugh.
So I'm waiting and waiting. They finish eating and they still havent called me out. Now I was like oh good, maybe they all forgot all about me and why they came and now they'll just leave and this nightmare will be over! And thats when Mum comes in with the same smug smile she had when she once caught me checking out guys from the window in my room, before I could even deny what I was doing. I'm not sure why she had that smile on now. Anyhow, I step out with a broad fake smile. I totally rock at fake smiles. You can never ever tell when I'm faking it. Its an art that I've perfected. So I'm fake smiling at all these people and I totally check the guy out. And the first impression that I have of him is that he's the kinda guy you see in buses. Not the touchy-feely jerks. The kinds that sit in the last seat and stare at you until you get off the bus. I had a feeling I might've even seen this fellow in a bus somewhere. And he was staring at me right then. Yikes.
The mom and aunt and whoever that was makes small talk. I smile and talk, smile and talk. I felt like I was acting out the part of decent prospective bride in some B-grade movie.
And as much as I hated all of it and wanted to kill everyone for making me do it, I was obliged to behave. Too complicated to explain why.
There were these awkward silences where noone would say anything. They'd just have these huge toothy smiles and they'd all be staring at me. You have nooo idea how freaky that is. You look at them and they're just smiling and staring. Like in psycho movies! So I look at the guy. Who looks away whenever I look at him. Hello! What was with this dude?! He looked extremely uncomfortable and was totally fake laughing too. Well, it sounded fake.And he kept laughing at things that weren't funny at all! I hate having to do that. Smiling is ok. I really can't laugh at unfunny things unless its done/said by a really really Really cute guy. But even that have limits.
Hmm, anyway everything depended on the 5 minutes that I get to talk to him personally. I had even prepared a list of things I could ask him (few of which were totally vetoed by mum). I had the whole thing planned in my head. Either I prove to mum and dad that this guy is totally unmarry-able or I find something or the other to make him seem irresistable. Anything could happen in those 5 minutes.
Dad utters the sacred words : Maybe we should let the two of them speak privately.
Silence. Silence. Silence.
Guy (looking bewildered) :  I don't have anything to say!
Me (in my head) :  You've got to bloody kidding me! How the %$*& am I gonna fall madly and crazily in love with you if you don't let me talk to you! Should I say that I wanna talk? Would that be breaking the "decency" code? Do I really want to talk to this guy anyway? Why prolong this process? The sooner they leave, the sooner I can eat.
So I say nothing. Blah. Who cares.
I look at the food sadly. It was all almost over. :-(
I sadly look over at the little boy who came along with these people. He was kicking a ball towards my nephew. *sigh* I could kick way better than that. I wanted to go play with them. Damned bride-viewing nonsense. I look at the guy again who looks away again. Ugh.
When they all finally got up to leave, one of the women who came along with them held my hand and said goodbye. And she wouldn't let go! She was smiling and staring and smiling and not letting go! I freaked! I thought she wanted to take me home right then itself! Yeah sure like I'd go home with the guy who doesn't even wanna talk to me. I really couldnt understand it though. Why didn't he wanna talk to me? And why did he have to look so appalled at the idea of it? I hardly look intimidating. I couldn't even intimidate a lil baby! What was that guy's problem anyway?! Stupid guy missed the conversation of a lifetime. Oh well, his loss.

Before he left he once again did the whole filmy thing and turned around and glanced one last time and stuff. Very filmy. Yeah, can't speak to me but puts up all this filmy shit. Yeah. Okay.Whatever.
Anyhow, that ended and turns out nobody liked anybody very much and that was my narrow escape.
I still think that the custom sucks but its actually fun to think of now. And its given me something to write about.
Few more people came to see me after that. But it was all awfully dull. My sister figured I should just give in and marry some guy to put an end to these visits. Yeah, the ultimate reason to get married! I'm sure 'll figure out another way out of this. I've got time until my next bride-viewing session, don't I? Ugh!

Saturday, February 27, 2010


                               Ever wonder what Hell is gonna be like? I personally think Hell is gonna be different for different people. For me its gonna be this room with a chair in it and and a big scary man waiting, armed with an endless list of questions for an interview that lasts for an eternity. As in job-interview.. not celebrity interview(well not yet atleast). And you know wat? Those interviewers could be in their version of Hell as well...Cos trust me... If you're ever given the opportunity to interview me... turn around and run for your life. Its gonna hurt you more than its gonna hurt me.. Hurt or rather make you wanna kill yourself.
When I begin an interview, its almost like my brains stop functioning and the only words in my vocabulary are "ummm" and "what?".I suck so bad that I might as well  go dye my hair blond and get a boob-job done. (I've nothing against that sections of people in the society personally. I've never even met one actually. I'm just quoting somebody.)
I've always been supremely bad at anything that involved questions and answers being spoken aloud. I tell people "I knew the answer to that but I just got so nervous and I forgot it." Thats not really true. Yes, I get nervous but most of the time I have nooo clue what the answer is either. I mean, I prepare so hard most of the time and work out specific answers. Like if I've memorized A,B,C and the interviewer goes "Sooooo, what comes after B?", I would toootally freak out and sing him the ummm song. I sometimes wish I could just say "I dunno".. but someone once told me never admit to not knowing anythin during an interview. Which is a pity cos that would've been my reply to pretty much aall the questions - Why do you want to work in advertising? I dunno. What sort of a renumeration do you expect?  I dunno. Do you prefer design or copy? I dunno. Cos seriously and honestly I don't know! They should have something like an open test where they ask the questions and then give you like a week or a month to come up with the answers. I could've googled aall the questions then and come up with wonderful answers. Sometimes life feels so meaningless and empty without Google.
I always flunked vivas in college. I got a zero for a Hindi spoken test once and I thought it was hilarious at that point. But its kinda pathetic now when you think of it. And one time this viva lady inturrupted me while I was giving her an answer to her question and said -"My dear child, you're not making mistakes.. you're making blunders!" And I just gave her a beeg toothy smile, cos I had noo idea what she meant, just like I had noo idea what her question was and no idea what on earth I was goin on about. I mean, wasn't blunders and mistakes the same? Huh?
The reason I was unemployed for sooo long was whenever I applied some place and they called back to set a date for an interview and I chickened out and ran for cover. I can't help it! Its a disease!! Or is it? Ok, Google break!
Ok so maybe there is'nt exactly an interview phobia but maybe its somthing like a cross between Phronemophia (Fear of Thinking) and Ophthalmophobia (Fear of being Stared at) and Lalophobia (Fear of Speaking). So my point being, its really not something I can help.
            I figured maybe if I were to do a phone interview, I would fare much better since I wouldn't have to see the big scary question man. So I went through a phone interview recently and sadly enough it wasnt any better... if not worse.
 I messed up right from the beginning.
He goes - Hello.
I go Hello.
He- I'm so n so calling from so n so company for that interview we scheduled this morning.
Me- Oh.. Helloooow (The hello normal people usually reserve for pretty lil girls or babies)
The guy was totally sweet. He probably actually figured I've been transplanted with a 6 year old's brain so he spoke to me appropriately. I applaud his patience. I mean I concluded by the end of the conversation that this was a man with a wife and young children cos there is noo way he could've put up with thaaat much bullshit for thaat long. He kept asking me stuff like he aaactually expected me to know the answer. I mean they were simple questions. And I would've been able to have given him essay answers to them had he given me say coupla hours or days to think about it. Poor guy wanted me to answer em soo bad. At one point it went like this.. This is the hypothetically version k. Say he had asked me somthing like "Ok what is green-eyed and goes meow?"
I went like ummmm...ummmmm..ummm for a good 5 minutes. And then finally went kaa...
He was like yeaaaah...yeaaahh?
Me - Kaaa...umm..
Him - Kaaaa...?What comes after kaaa... Come on now, you can do it.
Me - Ummm...
Him- Do you want to think about it for a while?
Me- Yes!
Him - Ok, tell me when you want me to prompt you.
Me - Okay......Hmmmm.........(silence)........ummmm....(silence)......well......(silence)......
Him - Do you want me to prompt you now? (Its almost like he's begging me to put him outta his misery)
Me - Umm.. okay.
Him - The first part is correct. Its also has a tail and rhymes with Mat!
Me - Ummmmmmmmmmmmm....... Kaa...at?
Him- YESSSS! (trust me, he wouldn't know such joy even as his son graduates from college)

But he's a daredevil this guy. He actually goes and asks me a 2nd question. I almost felt sorry for him.
So this is to all the interviewers I've encountered at some stage of my life... on behalf of the bright-eyed unspeakably dumb female who sat in front of you and made you Hate your job, I'm sorry. But it really is a disease!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Wedding Bells are Ringing...And Ringing...And Ringing..

Do you ever sit at home and think when you have absolutely nothing to do - "If only I had someplace to go or something to do?" And then like someone heard u say that, BAM!! Its Wedding Season.
        Weddings are great. I totally love weddings. I cry at most of em. Well, if not for happy couple, cos of the heat or cos of the sticky/pokey/itchy/un-breathably-dressy dressy clothes.
Or I'm smiling. At every random person who comes up to me and goes "Oh my god! How you've grown!" I mean I would've seen them just the day before at another wedding and I've grown since then? Really?
          But no seriously though. I love weddings. I love dressing up. I love seeing people all dressed up. And each wedding is like a whole different movie. Sure its nothing like in the movies. No nach-gaana n all. And you don't meet any Salman Khan types there(not that I like Salman Khan, I'm just refering to a wedding movie guy). But there is almost always this one guy who you play "aankon ki ishare" with at each wedding. As in one guy per wedding. Not the same guy. Thats it. No talking. No exchanging numbers. No complications. A smile maybe is as far as it would go. Thats the beauty of this relationship. You don't even know if you'll see them again. Most probably not. Its like a one-night stand..At the sweetest level.
And sometime when you go digging for info and you find that you've been eyeball-flirting with your far far far related cousin but still your cousin or worse your nephew, it just makes it a tad bit icky. So ignorance is bliss.
                 Althooooough.. sumtimes, it could be heart-breaking too... This one time I fell absolutely head over heels fell in love with this aMazing looking Rahul Gandhi types guy at a wedding only to realise that he's the groom. Blah. So yeah, sometimes finding out minor details like that does not hurt.
And its also no fun when you don't have the right sorta company at weddings. I was sitting around with this aunt of mine at one wedding when she went "Oh ooh look at the guy in the white shirt. Like him?"
I was taken aback for a bit then I'm like "Umm.. well no not really.. "
She: Oh.
Me: I liked this other guy I saw sumtime back. (I did'nt wanna disappoint her)
she: Who who who?
me: scanning crowd " Ohhh him near the door. White striped shirt."
she to other aunties : she liked that guy over there.
other aunties: that skinny guy? Hmm really..who is he?
me: Oh My GOD! (WTF!)
She: Do you know who he is?
me: Um.. no. Do you?
she: Nope! I'll go find out.
me: Wha.. wait..
And before I can say anything more, she's gone. Vroom... I can't stop laughing. This is so unreal. I'm all like I should've hung out with my aunties more often if they were gona be so considerate. I mean I have never had anyone try and find out stuff about a guy for me at weddings. Well not an aunt anyway. This is soooo awesome!
She comes back.
me: Well?
she: Finished his MBA, shudh jatakam (clean horoscope, i guess), thats his mom and dad..(pointing at people i do not even bother looking at)
and she launches into a conversation with mum and other aunties..
Thats it? His name? His number? Does he have a girlfriend?? Is he on Facebook? Hellooo..
So like I said.. the right company... very important.

           Okay, lets forget about guys now (Nooooooooooo not completely.. lets just tuck them into a smaller part of our brain)
I like to look at the couple on stage and figure out how their future is gonna be. I mean you can totally tell if you stare at them long enough. I cannot give you examples without offending anyone. So you try it yourself.
I don't like the fact that my hair sometimes gets mixed in the food. I've had a lotta unusual things hang off my hair. (And I'm not just talkin bout food)
I like the drum roll at weddings (a south-indian wedding speciality. I don't know if it happens at northie weddings. Actually I dunno what happens at a north-indian wedding. I've never been to one :-( I'm kinda hoping its like the wedding Priyanka and Shahid's wedding in Kaminey. That is like my secret dream wedding. It would be so incredibly awesome to get married like that. Dance dance dance Marry dance dance dance.) The drum roll when the big knot tying happens. It sorta replicates the heartbeat of the bride and groom at that point. And it always gives me goosebumps. Its so final. Like this is it. Knot tied. Chained for life. Its like that Shania Twain song - From this moment...um.. something something happens.. I don't remember wat. But the Moment. This is that moment. One thing I've noticed though. Most of the wedding, the groom just sorta places the chain around the bride's neck. He tries to work the clasp (hehe no not thaat clasp..please! Dirty-minded people) I meant the clasp thingy on the chain. And fails. So the groom's mum or sister does the actual tying. So technically, its the groom's mum or sis who marries the girl..hyuk hyuk! Oh crap, you know wat? When this same thing happens at my wedding, I'll probably snort and start giggling cos I'll think of this. See, this is why people like me should not be allowed to get married.
But to those who went ahead and did it.. I Applaud You.
 The biggest daredevils on earth are married. Thats why they're really and truely called daredevils.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I Hate Because I Can

Dr. Sigmund Freud defined hate as an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its unhappiness. More recently, the Penquin Dictionary of Psychology defines hate as a " deep, enduring, intense emotion expressing animosity, anger, and hostility towards a person, group or object."

5 Things I Hate

Picking up the phone
I absolutely de-test having to pick up the house phone. Cos a) nobody ever calls me in dat. and b) I hate having to make small talk with whoever does call. It just infuriates my mom when I'm sitting like 2cms away from the phone and still make her walk all the way from the kitchen to come up pick up the damn thing. And I hate when people respond to a Hello with a Hello. And then I say Hello again and they say Hello again and I say Hello again and.... Grrr. Makes me want to reach into the phone and clobber the person on the other end. I kinda appreciate prank calls in a way. Cos they keep the conversations short and simple. And its ok to hang up rudely. One time this breather calls up (breather : person who calls on the phone and instead of talking demostrates interesting breathing patterns instead) and I was in a real bad mood so I come out with all abuses I was aware of at that point. And all of a sudden the breather goes Hello and he sounds an awful lot like my Dad's Boss. Ugh. I hang up and pray that a third leg emerges out of the back of my neck so that I can kick myself conviniently. I've never been able to look the guy straight in the eye after that. And I never really figured out why he called up to breath.

Having a snot sneeze
Sometimes its nice because it sorta like clears your head and stuff. But have you ever had a snot sneeze when lying flat on ur back and have no tissue or hanky nearby? Not a pretty picture, I tell you. It was different when we were little kids and it was okay to wipe it whereever we wanted (what, that was not okay??) And are you kind who looks into the hanky after sneezing? I am. Can't help it. I have to see if it made a pretty little pattern. Please don't stop visiting my blog cos I'm such a pig.
And also at this point, I would like a moment of silence to think about Tariq, the booger eater in my class in Grade one. I mean sure we all used to go all eww and stuff, but I secretly had a crush on him for making an effort to be different.

People Looking at me Brush my Teeth
Brushing to me is almost as personal as peeing or bathing. Thing is I'm not the neatest brusher on earth. I'm a sloppy brusher. I get foam all over the place. Its like a foam fest. If someone were standing next to me, I'd get a little foam on them as well. I get creeped out thinking bout couples who brush together and share the same toothbrush and stuff. My husband would want to divorce me at the sight of my toothbrush alone. Tends to look like I washed the entire bathroom with it.

Having to repeat myself 867493826 times
So okay maybe I don't have the loudest voice in the world. But sometimes I feel that people just go "huh?" just to annoy you. I usually try twice and then say "its not important" the third time. Do you know how many important thoughts of mine have been left unsaid cos it this? Thank god I have this blog.

My nose
I didn't always hate it. I mean it was a normal nose until the day I was suddenly cursed. See I used to make fun of my sister's nose throughout half my life. So I'm sure she had something to do with my nose turning out the way it did. Its like what someone said somewhere once : I look at the mirror in the morning and the first thing I run into is my nose... or something like that. It was funnier when I read it. If anyone knows the quote I'm talkin bout please let me know. So yeah thats my case. I wouldnt call it the biggest part of my body. Maybe the 4rth biggest. But its defnitely the biggest thing on my face.