Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Bonkers bout B'day!

So its my birthday again in like a coupla days...oh i dunno like in 5 days...that is like 120 hours...ok ok so i get really psyched bout my birthday..I can't help it!!No matter how old I get, I think I'll still get up extra early on my birthday cos I'd be just too excited to sleep, take an extra long bath, put on a newww dress which I had probaly been tryin on every night the week before, get all dressed up and go out expecting the whoooole world to be out there ready to suprise the hell outta ya.But that does'nt usually happen.Okay it has happen like never...But that would'nt dampen my spirits on my special day..I'd just sit and wait for people to call me over the phone and make a lil list of people who call me.And another smaller list of people who don't...whose birthdays will be permanently removed from my calendar.
For my birthday I want the works... cake, presents, balloons (yes,I'm not joking), umm..maybe a lil booze..thats probably the only thing that has changed over the years...
I don't know why people get depressed over the fact that you turn a whole year older...I mean,I'm turning 23.thats like...such a lil number...I mean I think they teach you to count as high as 23 on the very 2nd day of kindergarten.Got sooooo many more years to go...
I hate the day after the big day..I get this hollow feeling..there is nothing more to look forward to..atleast for another year.
Anywayz, I decided I want a suprise party this year...I've organized the whole thing.All i gotta do now is get there and act suprised...And to all those people who've been bugging me bout wat they shud get me for my birthday here is my list :

~ PlayStation 3
~ a bicycle
~ Money to straighten my hair again
~ a hair iron!
~ white pants
~ sandalz
~ buttons
~ an eyebrow plucker
~ money for my birthday treat
~ a puppy + a person to look after it..cos i really dunt have the time
~ a hairbrush
~ stuff I can't mention here
~ a hrithik roshan cut-out
~ hrithik roshan
~ a pony
~ a ride to college and back...cos walking to n from college will be what I die of eventually
~ a bucket of unsalted water
~ a cure for my week old cold
~ a book on how to avoid writing stupid posts on ur blog n then regretting it
~ a better sense of humor
~ a life...atleast a lil less pathetic one
~ lots n lots of comments :-)

...okay wat was this list bout anyway???

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Anger Management

I get angry way too fast.For the silliest of things.Its been something I ve been tryin to control for waaayy too long...The only thing that has changed is the way I deal with it.

When i was little, I get angry or throw a tantrum, I usually resort to lying on the floor and curling myself up to form a tiny lil egg shape form...It was like a snail shell technique.Either that or hiding under the bed.Oh i loved that place.While most kids were scared of bogeymen under the bed, I think i spend bout 70% of my childhood under the bed.I slept there, ate meals there, did my homework there or just bitched bout life with my invisible buddies.

When i grew a lil older,I started to scribble on books or just tear up bits of papers.That didnt go too well cos it made me feel real psycho-ish and I ended up tearing a lot of my sister's study stuff..So she wasn't too happy bout that too.

Later I moved on to door slamming or just throwing stuff around.Door slamming I inherited from my dad.Throwing things around didn't work too well either cos i had to clean up the mess at the end by myself.

Then came the phase of heavy metal and crazy rock.Nothing like music to soothe ur agonies.Just feeling the furniture vibrate with the heavy bass used to make my heart beat faster.Singing along with it gives ya a whole different kinda high.

Then came the most effective therapy of all...writing.I had this lil anger journal which is gonna be one of the main reasons why I'm gonna end up in Hell.People write a lotta lousy stuff when they're pissed off.The only thing to remember here is to either burn the damn thing when your done with it or to make sure noone never ever gets even a glimpse through it.Writing sometimes just fueled my anger rather than supress it.Re-reading what I'd written just helped me remember even more clearly why exactly I'm angry.

So currently, these are the stuff I do to help control my anger or even depression.And I think its worked the best of all -

1) get drunk

2) if u can't afford that, get high on chocolate.Forget bout calories.This one is defn worth it.

3) (a)Call up a friend who could'nt care less bout ur problem but will crack u up.When I'm depressed I'm not looking for someone to talk to bout it.I'm looking for someone to help me forget bout it.(b) Call up everyone on ur phone list.At least one of them is bound to make u feel glad u exist.

4) T.V. 10 continous seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S is not gonna leave much space up there to be thinking bout any silly ol problem.

5) Dance. You do not have to be a trained dancer for this one.Nor do u have to have any sense of rhythm or whateva.Just move the way u want to.And I'd close the curtains if I were u.

6)Shop till you drop. Be nice to urself even if noone else is.Pamper yourself.

7) Go home. This applies only if u've got problems with your friends,work,college or boys.At that point knowing that u've alwayz got family to fall back on is suuuuch a relief.I come home and one look at my niece's or nephew's face and all tha anger and hurt sorta just uncoils itself and crawls outta me.Sounds lame I know but its a fact.Ur lucky if u've got kids of ur own.Personalized depression pills.or atleast thats wat I think.

8) Write in your blog bout stuff u do wen ur angry and pretend people actually give a damn. :-)

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The making of me!

During most of my teenage years, I used to be a not an actual boy.A wannabe..I wouldnt say a tomboy...maybe an extremely shy tomboy..wore over sized shirts,baggy jeans n boots.Had huuge geeky glasses that covered almost all of my face.Oh,in fact few girls in school used to call me Dilton.You know,the guy from Archies comics.The resemblence was purely physical.Unlike Dilt,I was pretty dumb.Not clueless like right now.Just plain dumb.
Got my hair cut at a men's salon.Was once forbidden from entering the women's restroom..but lets not talk bout that traumatic incident.I used to be disgusted by girls.Ok,not all girls..only the ones that I didn't have a crush on...yes I was at the point of questioning my sexuality.well not really.I hadn't even figured that I even had a sexuality then.

Ok so there I was...roughing it like a true-blue boy even after puberty strikes, growing manlier by the day.I think I mite've even sprout a mush soon if it weren't for THAT boy...The boy who is the reason why I am the girl I am today.The boy who made me wanna be,feel and look like a woman.
Ok honestly I don't even remember his name.He was this guy who happen to be in one of the self and personality n what-not development classes my dad always send me to.I remember he had green eyes...or they might've been brown..or grey..ok basically,he had amazing looking eyes.He hardly ever spoke to anyone.The silent strong types..I think he had a bicycle too..
So anyway..these classes were only 4 days long..and i guess the first two days were spend tryin to figure out how i feel bout this guy.I remember this one girl mention to someone that she thought that that guy was cute...and i hated that girl from that day forth.So maybe thats when i stopped trying to figure things out.
My dress sense started changing.First two days, I rolled in wearing cargos and sweatshirts.Third day...since I didnt own anythin feminine to wear at that stage,for some strange reason thought that dungarees(i think they're still called dungarees.) would make me look girl-ish..It made me look ET-ish according to that girl who seemed to be working towards a permanent spot in my hate-list pretty quickly.
The last day was when we have to do the final speech before like the whole world...ok so maybe just the other students and their folks,not the whole world.But it was a big deal-day for all of us....aaand it was my laaaast chance to create an impression with that guy.So I go shopping for girl clothes..and I tell my folks that its because I wanna look good for the big deal-day.I still remember exactly what I picked out that day.A teal colored turtle-neck n black capri pants with a lil rose embroidered at the hip...and girly sandals!My mom almost fainted.I think my dad had tears in his eyes when he saw me.He was either thinking - "Oh my god,She's discovered she's a girl!" or "Oh my god, she's gonna discover my credit cards soon" (I spend almost all my "boy" years buying only CDs, books or junk food.Sue me, Oh shopping Gods, for wasting precious shopping years!)Tried to make my hair look as girl-like as possible.Think I put on head-band and all..Not sure.All for a guy......I did mention that I was DUMB during those years,didn't I?

Ok the conclusion of this story is pretty lame.He didn't even notice.Nothing earth-shattering happen.Or almost nothing earth-shattering.There was of course...the Moment.It happen when that mean girl was asking some friend of hers what was that one mistake they would never commit.Her friend said - I'll never fall in love.Fall in love.Love.That was the exact moment that our eyes met.Mine n Mr.Pretty-Eyes's.Exactly when that other girl uttered those three words.Fall In Love.It might've been just a coincidence.But I like to look at it at a more filmy aspect.I'd like to think that at that moment our fate was sealed.Our destinies met.We had found each other....
Well not really.The night ended pretty soon.Our speeches sucked.We all went back home and I never saw him again.I mourned him for like a week and then plunged into the new and exciting (not quite exciting anymore) world of BOYS!!

And from then on, the saga went on.The hair was grown out and styled and streaked and straigtened and what-not.Make up was tried,tested and soon a part of life.Clothes grew a LOT less baggier.The sleeves were rolled down and the boots were stowed... The woman had arrived.
I'd like to dedicate this post to that guy.I thank u with a whole of my heart for bringing out the "right" side of me and turning me into who I am today.I mean physically atleast.You were first love!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


There comes a time in life when thoughts of marriage,a husband,kids,settling down..looking after a family.. is supposed to sort of enter your mind..float about a bit n then finally rest firmly making u want all those things.Now when exactly do u know if its the right time for the floating to stop and the resting to start?
I personally have got nothing against marriage..My friends freak out at the mere mention of it.Somehow i think of it as yet another new thing that i get into without thinking twice bout it and probably end up regretting it.But then thats how pretty much everything else have been so far.So how can this be different?
What i've seen of married people's lives..well its not alwayz rosy i know.And i probably would'nt be able to handle it..but still..i think i wana get married more outta mere curiousity than anythin else.its like..have u ever like really badly wanted a dog..even though u know how difficult it is to take care of it n feed it n stuff?And then when u finally get your dog..the chances r a)it bites u..and u hate it.. and u realised how u shud've listened to everyone or b)it pisses on u and gets on ur nerves and u realise how u shud've listened to everyone ,but u still learn to love it...or whateva(except wen it pees on u)
i mean absolutely no offence to husbands around the world..just this is how i have it worked out in my head...
Apparently,half my classmates from school are already married, half married(engaged) or have kids (dunt even go there!).I don't have a problem with this.I'm actually even a lil proud that I'm still the single chick seeking higher worldy wisdom..(uh yeah rite) But seriously, there is this thing bout being the one of the few unmarried ones.There are so many things i wanna do before i get married.I was checking out this friend's album on facebook.I hardly talk to her but i luv snooping bout her albums checking out what she's up to now... no i'm not a web stalker...though it seems like i am.though i've alwayz thought the idea of having a stalker would b kinda cool.I mean imagine..someone thaaat obsessed wit lil ol' me...*sigh* i dunt even have a anywayz..bout that girl..
She's got this fast wild crazy lifestyle...Part of me badly wants that kinda have fun.the CRAAAAAAZZZYY way..part of me knows i probably would'nt be able to handle that sorta life is happy with the tame life that i lead now.I forgot why i mentioned this now.maybe to make the point that..although i'm not one of those "cool" single people livin' d big life...i'm still single n thats good enuff.n mayb cool in a mediocre sense. ;-)
So everyone is kinda goin crazy tryin to get me all married..and i'm not too worried bout it cos i know its gona take me a loooong looong time to find the rite guy..probably rite up to the point where people just stop expecting me to marry.
And the deal with arranged marriages is crazy.I'm through lookin for love...not sayin i dunt believe in true love and destiny n all.Sure,i'm sure the ONE for me is out there.Probably won't find him this time.Cos I've looked this long.N if he doesnt wanna show up now also then its his problem.He's the one whose missing here that??You can just keep hiding out there whereva..cos i dunt give a damn.I'VE STOP LOOKING!!LOSER!ok so maybe its just me whose the sore loser.
I can settle for the not-really-d-one-but-not-too-bad-looking ONE too.
Apart from goodlooking, I 'd really like the dude to be one hell of a responsible boring stuff like..go to the bank,do paperwork,get my visa renewed n stuff that are really important but really boring and i really would'nt wana be bothered with.I can do stuff like take the dog for a walk, get the grocery (just go by mum's list), water the cancel that..too boring..cant handle a garden n worms n stuff.blah.Not saying I can't do the important stuff.I can.I have been doin it.My dad has tried to make me as independant as possible.i have gone to the bank and done paperwork and got bored outa my brains.Just don't like it.I should find a guy who actually likes doing all dat.if thats even possible.
Its crazy how normal traditional Indian parents won't let their girls date..because..well 'u can't go out with someone u hardly know"..or rather.."i know that boy..he's up to no me..i m ur parent.i know best."..but then years later..when they're gettin ready to get their daughter hitched..its the same scenario..they hardly know the guy..literally a stranger.and they want u to spend your whole life with him.he could chop u up with an axe on the very first wud they know???how is this rite and that wrong?its all the same!!noone really knows anyone either wayz.people change every second.who knowz what cud happen the next second..its like this deep dark hole...u just gota jump into it.u got nooo idea wat cud be in there.u think u've got a grip on somethin so u won't hurt urself..but u never know when its gona give away and come down with u.i know i m bein all super negative.but thats all that goes on in my head...i'm like Eeyore...can't help it..
ok my feet are being literally eaten into by giant I'm gona go.Wish me luck on the guy hunt..or rather..wish all the guyz out there luck...they're the ones gone b stuck with Depression Hotline 24/7.Oh well! datz life,ain't it!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

d wheels of d bus go round n round

I've been travelling a lot lately...well not exactly to exotic new places or anythin..just goin back n forth frm home n college.anywayz,this involves a lota travelling via bus.and this..on d better days gives a lota time to think.i mean d days where ur not hanging out the door tryin to avoid ppl's elbow,feet,whatevaz from pushin u outta the bus.but even then,as i cling on for dear life, lotta thoughts run thru my brain.most of the time its just "im gonna die i m gonne die im gonna die today!!" then i try to take in everythin i see cos these i figured wud b the last few things i'd see b4 i die - someone's sweaty back of the neck,someone's hairy arm,dirty windows,green streaks outside which turns out to b trees but looks like streaks cos of d speed at which d bus goes.this gets me thinkn of aperture n shutter speed in cameras n the whole oh wow our eye is jsut like a camera thought.
on better days, when i manage to park my behind on a seat,then its not too bad.i still believe that that wud b my last ever journey,nd try to memorize the driver's face so that i can hold him responsible wen i reach up there.i've even recorded a lil goodbye msg to my friends n family on my phone.but then how my phone is gona survive the crash wen i won't...i try not to reason too much.i try to listen to music but even the loudest volume cant seem to drain out the driver's inneccesant honking.i sometimes glare at him so bad as if they'll burn holes at the back of his head n then he'll learn his lesson n regret having honked while i was on board.i generally enjoy d the bumps n jumps of bus travel.i guess i just got used to it.hated it just this once when i jumped up real high from the seat n hit my head on d roof of d bus.other than that i try to see it as a roller coaster ride.its especially fun wen ur friend n i sumtimes play this game where we gotta stand upright without holding onto anythin on d bus.loadsa fun,but most of d co-passengers never seen to think so.humor-anity is dying nowadays.
another amazing thing is that whenever i start off on some really long trip,my bladder decides to have sum fun with alwayz happens!!!so its like crossed legs for some 5-6 hours until i worries about dying somehow takes d back seat at that point.
u know how in movies,romances blossom in buses,friends or ppl who inspire ppl to write books,make movies,win nobel peace awards,turn into a new leaf are almost alwayz found in buses.mayb it cos i'm not lookin hard enuff for inspiration in d slightly over-weight ladies who manage to crush me to one side of the wall, or the little kids who like to wipe their snot on my bag or the lady with her head out the window puking the life outta her,which is struggle to keep my life in me while the stench "inspires" me to ape her.the best ones r the old men/women who sits in d seat ahead of urs n spits their paan or whateva out the window every half hour n it comes flyin onto ur face...splat!!yes..such is the joys of bus travel.
and no bus is complete without mr.itchy fingers!!those self-respecting men who cant seem to keep their hands,feet,fingers,elbows or whatevaz to themselves.i stare at them long enuff to memorize their faces so that in my next life i'll b born as their mom n trust me,i wudnt bet on winnin d mom of the year award then.
i prefer buses to trains though.trains confuse me.too many things to remember.but then even in case of buses,i have a tough time tryin to remember where im supposed to get off.n i do get off in d middle of nowhere everyonce in a while n have a panic attack.but nowadays i just decide beforehand what i m gona do if i get down where by mistake.its all planned.
other than i luv the window the strong blast of wind hittin my face (i like it spit free,though), luv it even more wen it rains..not too much..just enuff to make me smile each time a water droplet hits my face.which the person sittin next to me mite find a tad bit creepy.but i dunt care.its one of d few things i enjoy bout those times.i like lukin at ppl on board with me n tryin to figure out wat their name is n where they're goin.i neverbother askin cos i really dunt care.its so much easier to make it up.
so thats all bout my travelling adventure..i ve never really had an adventure to talk off during travel.had pretty boring travel experiences.unless its with friends.then its a whole different story.tell ya mayb sum other time.. ta!

Monday, June 2, 2008

elu elu...i ve recently gotten into the big bad career-woman sorta life lately..sorta..not really..cos i dunt get paid..and i dunt have to pay d rent or cook n stuff ladat..ok ok so i m doin an internship..and yeah well it stinkz..

people think journalism is this great flashy kinda job..where normal ppl bcome heroz over nite..uncovering great scandals and covering glam events n..oh i m not even gona go on cos u know i m obviously gona say it NOTHING suckz..its boring.with a capital C.i ve been at it for like a week and the only things that i probably learnt is that :

Journalism is not d thing 4 me.i cud write a buk of reasobs y ppl like me shud nt try it.mayb if sumone did all the field work i cud do that makin it into words n..naah i really wudnt wanna.

People who work in offices r mean.not all.but most.i used to watch all these reality shows where ppl get their asses kicked n grinded tryin to b fashion designers,dancers,chefs,wanna-bez,whateva..and chuckle to myself cos i wud never b in their position n wud never take anyone's shit ladat...or wud i?I wud probably throw my weight around too if i were in their position too..i mean experience-wise..but it still sux..

i cannot work in d heat.i didnt know i had a problem with excess heat..apparently i get all dizzy wizzy n pukey..and i wasnt even pretendin half d times that such a weakling...encoded..non-journalist material.

oh in addition to the point b4 this one..ppl in d office keeps tellin us how we're such bad journalists n how we're not meant to b there n blah blah...i wud feel a lil bad bout wat they're sayin if i didnt agree wit them more..i mean ill b like i KNOOOOOW..TOTTAALLY..SO kick us outta here ppppplleeeaaaseee!!

the one observation dat my sis made is that..hmm to get into journalism u really need to have that passion..the PASSION.thing is..i do have d passion.i probably do have a whole glass full a passion wen i go to office every mornin..but all that passion probably gets drained out by mid afternoon dus to a)heat b)fatigue c)intense hatred towards d whole of mankind caused due to a) and b)

Everyone hates journalists.they're not that nice.once these buncha kids do this press conference n im all like aww how sweet..but these bunch of other journos literally tore open those kids..pointed fingers,hurled accusations,pretty much squeezed d pulp outta d kids...n the worst thing the end of it..i was convinced the reporters...i was like oh those awful manipulative kids!!ACK!

Everyone at the journo office is all too crazy bout the the job is all that gets thru to their head.u say a joke thats like un-journalistic or newspaperish or even send an sms using sms language,they give u the Look.the "oh she's one of those" looks.or the "oh she's not one among us,is she now" look. and i do the "oh god oh god oh god get me get me get me OUTTA HERE" look..which freaks em out a lil more.u know how sum ppl has the "calling" do sumthin...well this was my "un-calling".tellin me dunt even consider journalism.not wit ur mind frame.n ur knowledge on politics..or the country..or any important issue for that matter.

as of now i ve deicided tha advertising is my calling.but then again i vent dun an internship at an ad agency yet...but then i do need sumthin to keep me until then...i ll see ya at madison avenue!!ciao!!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

well well well...its been a while..was reading that old entry i things change so fast..i thought that sir was out to put me down..but now he's like an encouragement n my friends have decided to clone him n make a lil him for each of us to carry around in our pocket so we'll never b short of an encouragement even after we leave college.its a work in progress!!
i ve been doin sum "on paper" writing.its nothin like typing on a keyboard.its a such a move the pen up n down and apply just the right pressure n in the end noone can really understand wats written anyway.god bless the people who invented keyboards.
recently i ve been thinkin bout how the inventor's of so many things shud b in one way or d other b worshipped for their first n foremost the inventor of ceiling fans..if not the inventor of air sure a billion others wud agree with me.
the inventors of chocolate..i usually thank them a billion times as i cherish d taste of the cool hot sweet sizzling of d gods..seriously...beyond bliss thats wat it is.
inventors of blowdriers- i mean its like swich swash n bam ur hair luks great.its like magic!who wud've thought..
inventors of d delete button- again a billion of u wud agree with me.if only they had a delete button for life too..mess up ur life..delete ur past.sumbody hurt u real bad..delete him/her frm ur friends list.hate ur life..delete ur account(and make it again later wen u feel like) this entry is dedicated to all those ppl..whose made our lives so much greater with their inventions which we use all the time but dunt really bother to stop n think or express our gratititude to them.
here is a list of other ppl who i'd like to thank :
inventor of the flush in toilets
inventor of cello tape (never underestimate the power of a cello tape)
inventor of that fine tuning button on tv
inventor of the handles on cups
inventor of hair scrunchies.
inventor of "hold d lift open" laser beam thingy on elevators
inventors of chocolate(yes again), caramel n junk food of all kinds.ur probably killin us wit d calories..but we luv ya anyway.
inventors of mosquito repellants (thank u frm the botton of mine n my roommates hearts)

thats all i can think of.actually i can think of a lot more.but i gota go.gona go pay my tribute to the junk fud gurus now.yum!catchy yall later!ta!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

trashy blogger

today was one of those days.this professor of mine happen to start off class today with "how many of u have a blog of ur own?" and my wonderfully annoying friend just had to point at me.Its not that i have a problem with people reading my blog.i mean thats wat blogs are for,right?to be put out there.But the thing is i've never considered the thought of in big serious people like my professors or my hod (oh lord!) reading this.I might as well never go back to college after that.I'm supposed to be a journalism student.And it was pretty recently that i found out that i'm just not cut out for journalism.Just look at the way i write.thats no newspaper lingo.I've spend many a sleepless nights wondering where i'm gonna get a job if i had to live on my writing...oh maybe for comic books?but even comic books have got to make sense.maybe writing is just not my 'calling'.maybe i'm yet to be 'called'.
anywayz,this sir then went ahead to tell us about some interesting blogs that he happen to come across.ok so maybe he did'nt use the word interesting.'trashy' was more like would all have been very ok if when he started explaining the content of the blog n it turned out sounding somethin pretttyy similar to mine.god,it was sooooooo humiliating.cos this is one of those few people on earth whose opinions matter.he said that these blogs r full of "i i i i"..and i remembered that post i made earlier bout speakin a lot bout myself (I,Me,Myself).
So the bottom line is today was a total disater.just yesterday i made up my mind to be all optimistic and stuff this year.and u know wat.i m gona do just that.
i mean ok so maybe this blog does'nt have any purpose and talks a lot bout myself and is a total waste of time n space.but then everyone has to be all silly at times.mayb i ll start a serious blog with serious issues.and hide this blog from serious people.
earlier today i felt real bad bout what that sir said and sorta realised i should be writing a lot more important stuff considering thats wat i go to college and try to study everyday.i even considered putting an end to this sixth grade teacher inspired and encouraged me to start this weird style of mine..and now it looked like my college professor had put out that flame.but u know wat.i'm still gona keep writing like this.probably won't make a living writing like this.and noone really has to read it or even like it.but this is sorta my identity.if i suddenly start writing bout social issues it'd b like i'm tryin to b someone else.
maybe i will start a boring blog with boring stuff and be all serious and not-me in it.but for me writing is..unwinding.and when u think and write bout stuff u just get a bit more wound up.and gives me a headache.lord knows how long i'll be able to write like until then..yabadabadooooooooo!!!!!!! i i i i i i i i i iii iii i ii i i ii i i i i i ii i i!